#looking him up resulted in looking at many many photos of him going :D!!! or O_O and it was glorious

[5xlwriter]

Feedist Kinktober: Ex-Model

Part of a series of one-shots in response to @fatguarddog’s Feedist Kinktober 2024 prompts. I see this as a double response to the prompts Runway Ready and Wardrobe Woe.

“Thanks for your time, Brett,” I said, feigning a smile as I looked up from my clipboard. “We’ll call you!”

The muscle-bound hunk nodded cockily and pulled back on his stringy gymrat vest, giving us one last glimpse at his abs in the process before turning and leaving the audition room. His firm glutes shifted in his shorts as he vanished through the doors. I sighed.

Of course, there was no denying that Brett was absolutely gorgeous. He knew it, I knew it, anyone who saw him knew it. And while I might be tempted to call him up for a hookup, there was no way he was getting a callback for this show. He just didn’t have the right look.

The designer, Cherish Misère, was dark, edgy and honestly, kinda goth. There’s a lot that can be achieved with makeup and styling, of course, but nobody’s going to buy that with a jock like Brett. We were looking for skinny guys, with longer slender limbs and angled faces that we could make gaunt with contouring. Brett just didn’t fit the bill - and neither did many of the other hopefuls I’d seen that day. Ugh, Cherish was gonna kill me.

I huffed another deep sigh as I flipped the page on my clipboard, and then was stopped in my tracks at the photo attached to the next profile. That curly brown hair, those sharp, boyish features, those dark, arresting eyes… Tristan!

What a godsend! Tristan was absolutely perfect for the show. Cherish would eat him up, and all the clothes would fit like they were made for him. He and I had been students together. We’d studied Media & Communications and had gotten along well, but drifted in the couple of years since we graduated. He’d always modelled to raise funds when we were at uni, seeming to never need to hold down a real job as a result - but the last I heard, he was now skyrocketing up the corporate ladder, while I was sat here auditioning himbos for D-rate shows at the Fashion Week Fringe. It’s the sort of thing that would usually fill me with so much embarrassment that I’d find an escape route - we gays always compare ourselves to our peers - but in this instance, I didn’t care. I was just glad to finally have found some actual talent! The day was not a complete waste after all.

“Bring in the next one,” I called to my assistant and tried to make myself look as relaxed as possible. I was going to feign surprise, like I’d been caught off-guard. I needed to look busy and important. I sat up straight, eyes fixed on my clipboard until I heard someone shuffle in front of me.

“Hey, Rick!” He announced. His voice was just as I remembered it, but… maybe a touch deeper?

I looked up, ready to burst into a big smile and announce what a pleasant surprise it was to see him again. But then, I really was caught off-guard. My thoughts ground to a halt, leaving an uncomfortable pause as my brain scrambled to register what was going on.

My assistant intervened. “Um, Rick, this is…”

“—Tristan!” I interjected, finally managing the smile I’d been preparing, though I’m not sure how convincing it came off. “What a surprise!”

The surprise was that Tristan was fat. OK, that was maybe a little dramatic - he wasn’t fat fat. But I guessed him to be at least 50 or 60lbs heavier than the 135lbs he listed on his modelling profile - which made him gay fat. I couldn’t believe it!

I was so conflicted. On the one hand, I was a little ashamed to admit that part of me loved seeing perfect Tristan let himself go like this. He had always been nothing but kind to me, so it was completely mean-spirited of me, but I couldn’t help being jealous of all his achievements. It was nice to finally have one up on him, having maintained my own figure - heck, maybe even improved it? - since graduating.

On the other hand, there was no way I could cast Tristan with him looking like this. I could tell just by looking at him that it would take a small miracle to squeeze him into anything Cherish made, which meant I’d just lost my star model just as quickly as I thought I’d found him.

That, I had to worry about later. For now I had to finish this encounter with my old friend, let him down without hurting his feelings, and maybe find out what had caused him to blow up. Maybe he was depressed?

He didn’t look depressed. He was smiling that famously enchanting smile of his, which now showed off the beginnings of a double chin. I made my way over to give him a hug.

“Heh, I thought you didn’t recognise me!” He said as he wrapped his softer arms around me. He was squishy all over.

“Of course I recognise you,” I said, trying to brush it off. “It’s so good to see all of you— I mean, to see you, it’s so good to see you…” Fuck.

Tristan didn’t seem to notice - or if he did, then he didn’t seem to mind. I was happy with either. We pressed on with the pleasantries, Tristan telling me about his latest promotion whilst I did my best to make my own job sound interesting. In truth, it was great catching up with him… Tristan was just so charming, and even with his fuller figure he just exuded a confidence and charisma that was unlike anyone I’d ever met… perhaps even more so then I remembered? He was definitely flirty, and somehow I found myself flirting back despite him no longer being my type.

I wasn’t quite sure how it had happened… Maybe it was witchcraft. Maybe I felt sorry for him. Or maybe it was just that trademark smile that he kept flashing me, undampened by his rounder face…

“I think you’d be a great fit!” I said, the words leaving my mouth without my permission. My brain protested but my lips kept moving. “We’ll see you Monday for the fittings, so we can get things taken in if we need to.” What the fuck was I saying? What was I doing?

As Tristan left with his paperwork, I caught the confused look on my assistant’s face and buried my head in my hands. Cherish was going to fucking kill me.

***

Monday came around fast. In that time, I’d managed to assemble a motley crew of gangly young men to model Cherish’s collection. None of them had walked a runway in their lives, nor did they really have the face card needed for a career in modelling, but they were the best I could rustle up with Fashion Week on the horizon.

We’d started the morning with runway rehearsals and trying to get some charisma out of these boys was like getting blood from a stone. I was relieved that Tristan hadn’t shown up. I figured he had come to the realisation that he quite literally wasn’t a good fit for this, and had decided to silently slink away, saving me a difficult conversation. Now all we had to do was avoid each other for the rest of our lives!

But no, it was never going to be that easy. Tristan arrived late, commanding attention as soon as he entered the studio, smiling and greeting his fellow models as he finished off the remainder of a large smoked salmon bagel loaded with cream cheese. Now there was someone with charisma. He didn’t even try. Nor did he try to excuse his tardiness. “We both know I don’t need practice at this!” he laughed warmly when we had a quiet moment together.

And he was right. He stomped the runway like a pro, showing each of the confused wannabes how it was done. He was the elephant in the room; he didn’t belong; and yet, he was putting them all to shame. I watched bitterly as he walked back up the length of the runway, noticing the slight jiggle and bounce in his body with each deliberate step he made. Ugh, I was not looking forward to this conversation…

Later, as we prepared for the session with wardrobe, I pulled Tristan to one side.

“Listen, Tristan, I need to talk with you,” I said, trying to sound both relaxed and in control. “You know I think you’re amazing, but I don’t think this is the right gig for you…”

Tristan raised an eyebrow for a moment, not sure what to make of what I’d said, before he burst out laughing. “Ha, yeah, good one Rick. Don’t worry, I’ll help the other guys get the hang of it. It’s not rocket science.”

I frowned. “No, Tristan, you don’t understand…” Ugh! I hated this! “I’m serious. I don’t think you’re the right… fit…” I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at his round midsection when I said it - only for a fraction of a second, but Tristan was quick enough to catch it.

“Oh…” he said, looking down at his body for a moment. “You think I’m too fat?” He looked hurt. I’d never seen him not radiating charm and confidence, but in the moment all of that dissipated. He looked like a little lost puppy. “I know I’ve gained a few… I’ve been working flat out at the office… But I didn’t think it was that bad…”

“It’s not!” I blurted out in a panic, desperate to backtrack. “You look great! Better than ever, actually. You look really healthy. That’s super in right now!” It was all lies, and I hated myself for it, but seeing that famous smile return to his face made it worth it.

And so Tristan was whisked off to wardrobe, where we tried to squeeze him into some of the pieces. I thought maybe, if we went with something layered, we could disguise his bulked up body and it might be OK. I was wrong.

Tristan was wearing a black ripped vest, designed to be tight even on a slender model, but practically painted onto him now and emphasising the ball of flesh at his waist. The fact it was ripped made him look like he’d burst out of it. When he moved his arms too high, a little slither of soft flesh would peek out the bottom. He wore a big leather trench coat, down to the floor, which I figured would do a lot of the heavy lifting in making Tristan look presentable - except, we couldn’t fasten it shut over his middle. And on his bottom half, he just wore his underwear and socks, as absolutely nothing that Cherish had designed would slide over his newly thickened thighs and ass.

Fortunately, Tristan may have been oblivious to how much he’d grown, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew this wasn’t going to work. Quietly, he wrestled himself out of the tight garments we’d given him and began to change into his own clothes. I kept my distance and tried to focus on the other boys. Later, as Tristan was leaving, I followed him out.

“Hey Tristan,” I called. “Wait up!” He turned to face me, and was still smiling, but he looked tired and pensive.

“Thanks for the opportunity, Rick! Sorry it didn’t work out.” He said, before surprising me by tapping his softer middle. “Guess I’ve been neglecting the gym!”

“Don’t worry about it, T,” I said. “You still look great and you can definitely work it off — if you want to,” I paused for a moment, hesitating as I decided whether to say what I was about to say. “Or… In the meantime, my friend runs this other company…” I handed him the card.

“Max Macdonald - Plus Size Agency”, Tristan read off the card. He sounded unsure and I thought I might have offended him again, but eventually he pocketed the card. “Thanks, Rick,” he said, giving me a quick hug. “See you around!”

***

As it happened, I never did see Tristan again. It had been four years since our awkward encounter when I found myself in a bar, catching up with my old friend Max, who I also hadn’t seen in years. Being an adult sucked!

Max had been vocally admiring a large man at the bar, telling me in great detail why this stranger’s corpulent body was so superior to the kind of talent I represented. (I’d learned my lesson and played to my strengths, now I had my own agency and was exclusively representing muscle-bound Greek Gods for high-profile names.)

None of it surprised me. Max had always been unashamedly into big guys, despite being in good shape himself. I’d seen him go through many boyfriends - usually they were varying degrees of fat, but sometimes there was a twink or two. They’d soon start to bulk up around him and usually this was when they wised up to his feeder ways and dumped him. He didn’t seem to care, and I always loved that about him. I definitely didn’t share his tastes, but I respected his unabashed commitment to them all the same.

And it seemed to be working out for him! After all, it was his love of big men that had led him to start the plus size agency that was now getting him contracts all over the world.

“Oh my god!” Max said, nearly spitting out his beer as a memory seemed to hit him like a truck. “I can’t believe I didn’t tell you!” He was laughing hysterically and I pressed him urgently for more details. Max was a great storyteller and I found myself eager to hear his tale.

“A few years ago, I was approached by this dude,” he started. I nodded. “He was young, super handsome and charismatic like no one else! He told me you’d sent him.” I paused, knowing instantly that he was talking about Tristan, though I didn’t let on. I wanted to see where this was going.

“He said he was interested in some modelling with me. I told him, ‘look man, you’re gorgeous and you’ve got it, but you’re not exactly plus size’…” He took another swig of his beer. “He was like 200lbs at most. At most!”

I laughed along. “Haha, yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t really know where else to send him. He was too fat for us, but clearly not fat enough for you!” I took a sip of my drink, feeling a little bad for leading Tristan towards more rejection.

“Not then he wasn’t!” laughed Max. I didn’t like the tone in his voice… it was… mischievous. He was relishing in this story. “But I bumped into him a couple of years later at a chub event downtown. I didn’t recognise him at first but he came right over and introduced himself… all 350lbs of him!”

“No fucking way!” My mouth dropped to the floor as my mind raced at a hundred miles an hour, trying to imagine how big a 350lb person would look… How big a 350lb Tristan would look! That more way more than twice the size he’d been at uni.

“Yes way, he was just in a jock strap and a leather harness, shaking and jiggling all over the dance floor. There was no hiding it. He wasn’t the fattest person there by a long shot - a couple of guys were almost twice as big as him - but everyone in the joint wanted to fuck him.” He sat back and smiled smugly, looking very pleased with himself.

I gasped. “You didn’t!”

“I did!” he said, a big grin on his face. “And it was great. Like really great. Man, I had to fucking work for it though. He asked if we could stop for something to eat on the way back to my place - and we did, three times!” He clearly found the story hilarious. “I paid for the lot… Worth it though!”

I was in shock, no longer finding it funny but trying my best to play along. I couldn’t believe that had happened. Maybe Max was just exaggerating. 350lbs? Surely not…

“So, did you end up signing him?” I asked.

“Nah,” said Max, looking a little solemn before finishing his drink. “When I woke up the next day, he’d vanished without a trace and I never saw him again…”

I was about to interject, to empathise for Max, and to tell him how shitty that was, but Max held up a hand to stop me. He wasn’t finished. That big grin had returned to his face and he fished his phone from his pocket.

“I never saw him again until last week…” he said, quickly navigating his home screen to pull up one of his fetish community apps. It didn’t phase me - like I said, Max had always been very open about this stuff.

“I was swiping through the other day when I saw this prize-winning pig…” he was practically giggling as he showed me the phone screen. It was a video, captioned with just two words: “Almost 500lbs”, with a pig nose emoji for emphasis. In the video, an absolutely enormous man was wearing a far too tight black half-zip sweater over a black t-shirt. He was standing close to the camera, with his head cut off by the frame. The strained clothes clung tightly to every curve, roll and fold on his fat frame: his giant tits threatened to burst out of the sweater (the zip of which would never fasten around his fat neck), while about 20cm of pure fat belly hung out the bottom, his gluttony on full view.

Why was Max showing me this? There was nothing to suggest this was Tristan. I became increasingly convinced that this was a practical joke. There was no way that someone who used to look like Tristan now looked like… this.

But then, the whale in the video took a few steps backwards as he jiggled his huge gut for the camera, and his fat face came into view. My world stopped for a moment: it was Tristan, no doubt about it.

Had I seen this veritable blob in the street, I would never have recognised him as my old friend. But I had been primed to see him, and see him I did: even though his sharp and boyish features were now buried under blubbery cheeks, there was no mistaking the charismatic allure of those eyes, which now seemed small and beady in his fat face. All the movement in his gut caused a loud burp to erupt from his mouth, and the smile that followed it as he looked upon his body with appreciation was unmistakably his. Even when being absolutely disgusting, something about Tristan was still so confident, so irresistible… he was magnetic.

“These are the clothes I was wearing when we first met back up,” he said to someone off screen, who chucked back. I recognised that laugh… “Can you believe that was only a year ago?”

“No,” came the familiar voice, as two arms entered the frame and began to pull off Tristan’s clothes, revealing his flabby body in all its perverted glory. The arms and voice belonged to someone older than Tristan by about 15 years. They were reasonably toned and thick with hair, and the strong-looking hands took big handfuls of Tristan’s tits and flesh, shaking it and making his whole body wobble. Then the anonymous figure moved into the screen, kissing Tristan on his big, fat cheek.

I almost dropped Max’s phone and had to do a double take. Was that our fucking professor?! He looked a little older than I remembered him, which was natural, but I was sure it was him.

“…but you’re nearly 100lbs bigger since then, so that’s not surprising,” he said seductively, bringing a cream filled bun up to Tristan’s lips. His mouth opened dutifully and made short work of the pastry, which got swallowed down into his giant gut.

“And why do you think that is?” huffed Tristan, rubbing his belly and stifling another burp. He looked so cocky and sure of himself… more than that, he looked like he was worshipping himself.

“Because,” said our old professor. “You’re a spoiled piggy who gets whatever he wants.”

[birdiebowers]

polar explorers' graves 2/2

Time for Dobrowolski! He was the one I wanted to visit most, as it was his recent anniversary. But his grave was harder to find than Arctowski's, so I left him for last.

I bought him a fresh flower, as last time there was only a wilted winter wreath. I also brought with me a small blue candle and some matches.

There was a lot to do, so I quickly set my shoulder to the wheel.

(I'm glad that my previous candle stayed there 🩵)

I started with the general tidying up. Unfortunately, I had to throw away a wreath that had been brought in by pupils from one of the schools. As I mentioned, it could have been from this winter or even the year before. It was very shabby and the needles were falling off. It had completely faded in the sun, so I got rid of it. It was a shame because I was really touched that a group of twelve year olds had visited the site and brought flowers.

The grave is under a tree, so it became a target for crows (one was screeching at me all the time I was cleaning it up). It was covered in sand, dust and leaves. Luckily the gravestone was flat, so it was easier to sweep up than Arctowski's.

The problems started when I realised there was no tap anywhere near me. I only had a small container of water and I had to go back and forth across the cemetery. After a few minutes I managed to find three (!) water canisters. This speeded things up considerably.

I poured water on the tomb (causing a little flood) and began the standard process. Washing off the first layer of mud and sand, then cleaning the stone so the D/2 could work. I coated everything with biocide and took a break. I had half an hour, so I decided to wash the glass candles.

I carefully rinsed off the biocide and started scrubbing with a soft sponge soaked in stone-friendly liquid.

It handled dried dirt perfectly and helped me discover something surprising.

It's not a glacier (as I thought), but the silhouette of the Belgica! Previously it was covered in flowers and mud, but now it is clearly visible. I have a photo without liquid' smudges:

(I guess I'm just blind lol)

I managed to finish after an hour and a half. I kept three artificial white flowers from the school wreath. They came in handy when there was a problem setting up the decoration. I changed it several times because something didn't fit. It wasn't until I made a little construction out of my flowers and pupils' flowers that everything started to fit. I also weeded out all harmful plants around

The result of my work was satisfactory, but not in photographs. Dobrowolski's tomb is made of a strange rock with many very different types of stone. Some are so shiny in the sunlight that they look like greasy stains. A bit like the holographic images on ID cards or banknotes. It was frustrating because it seemed dirty to me all the time.

The end!

I was tired but happy. I spent a lot of time there and had an unpleasant journey in the high temperatures earlier, but this work really helped me to relax mentally. I got so involved that I came across the closed gates of the cemetery. I was stuck there, but luckily the workers hadn't left the Powazki cemetery yet and they let me out. I was very lucky, because spending the night there would not have been my dream come true.

Voilà!

I hope this will encourage you to look after the local (or more distant) graves of people who, for whatever reason, are important to you (even if it's just a dead 20th century scientist that nobody remembers). It's important to keep the memory of them alive, especially if they're worth nothing to some — just because they didn't hear about them.

[slightly-warmer-hibiscus-tea]

My Touchstarved MC / OC time

Because I've been saving it for today^-^

[Warning: long rambling, and possibly no editing]

I have come to the point where I view the main LI's as my side characters to my silly little cannon divergent lore. So everything is completely made up, and also I'm going to rewrite my MCs to fit the actual game when it comes out. so there is my disclaimer before I head off into Lala land.

I've made different MCs based on the three backstories you can choose when you enter the game.

The Alchemist (Naudedel)

Hound (Hound)

Unnamed (Noble)

Each is still cursed but each curse takes on a different form or is gained at a different time along the journey to Eridia.

Noble is the one with the original curse from the game. They corrupt the minds of those they touch. Except on rare occasions...

Hound is a by-product of Nobel's hands. Hound is (till they reach Eridia...) the only one who can touch Nobel without punishment. Though she seems to have still retained her sanity, there is one man who refuses to deny the golden veins running under her skin.

Naudedel was an experiment gone rogue. An attempt to create an artificial God gone wrong. Turning his back on his creator, but still tries to reach for a false heaven on his own.

In my little headcanon world, they are all traveling together as a found family. Hound acts as their guardian, Noble is the oldest, Naudy is the weird middle child, and then there is Cetcher, who is a stand-alone OC who was adopted into their little family.

| And here is a little family photo/reference sheet :D - I'll explain the designs later |

Also, designs aren't finalized completely!! (which is why Hound is missing the prosthetic mentioned below)

The General BackStory: part I

Hound meets Noble when they are around six and takes care of them along with the help of her then-husband Cove. The two worked as mercenaries till taking Noble in as their own. The young couple promised to watch over Noble as they travel to Erida to try and find a cure for their curse. Along the way Hound and Cove hit what they called... a rough patch. Which resulted in Cove severing Hound's leg, not before she could take his good arm. Though Hound can't remember much of their life before that fight. She does know that he is still out there, and looking for them. But a swordsman without his dominant hand isn't much concern for her so she pushes on with the child at her side.

That is when they find Naudedel. The prodigy son of a mage who lived at the top of the hill in the remains of a small standing town. The mage was an older woman, but hospitable to the young mother and her child. She was also very taken by Noble after learning about their infliction. And wanted to help them in their journey to Erida seeing she had ties there from her past. This is where Hound was given her prosthetic, fueled by alchemy and mechanics. Noble took a liking to Naudedel despite his moody disposition and the two (to Naudy's dismay) were stuck at the hip during their stay. However, things didn't stay pleasant for long. As if the air changed in the small town, dire truths flowed with it. Hound and Noble soon learned about the true nature of the boy bound to the hill. The 12th experiment, the 12th body that surprisingly hadn't been dropped in one of the many pre-made graves that ran along the hillside yet. "What a resilient boy she's found!" was the last macabre expression Hound was willing to put up with from the townsfolk before marching up that damned hill only to find a darker twist in the doorway. Naudedel was the one to free himself. The one to kill his mother and step off that hill in his own shoes. Hound just happened to walk in front of him. Or at least that's how he is allowed to tell the story.

The now trio continue their journey, arriving in one broken small town to the next. Around the time the young ones are teenagers and Hound is theoretically pushing late 30s yet every familiar face they meet on the road swears she hasn't aged a wink, They start a town riot...

...

However, that's a story for another time. Anyways, the kids adopted Cetcher as their new baby sister. Cetcher worked as an assistant for an apothecary in town. Though assistant is more of a stretch, servant or pet would have been more fitting. The man running the shop treated the child less than an errand boy and refused to elaborate on where he got her. So Naudedel made it his mission to run off with the kid with the ever-so-graceful help of Noble. After convincing Hound to take her in, the glossy-eyed baby joined their one-wagon caravan. With surprisingly great help from Naudedel, Hound taught Cetcher how to read and write, which might have been the start of her greatest joys, at least in the moment.

But they were on their way. And spent another 5 years on the road before getting close to the city. But that was where they would part ways for a year. Naudedel had found a lead to possibly undoing Noble's curse. But it would be out of their way and a possible goose chase. And Due to an unfortunate run-in with a certain swordsman wielding his signature longsword in his non-dominant hand. They needed to get on the move fast. The plan was for Naudedel and Cetcher to go off the path and for Hound to watch over Noble and make it into Eridia safely. This was the plan, but of course, things would never go accordingly. Here we are in the current day, Noble alone in Eridia left in Leander's care, Hound presumed dead, Cetcher lost in the Fogfall, and Naudedel making contracts with deities he is too proud to admit are over his head.

:)

But yes, my cornerstones of my silly found family.

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Sparks tour 2023

Posting this close to a whole year after the fact, but a tour this good really takes time for me to process. My chest was constantly exploding with how much I loved it all and I have no idea how to put that into words. (I've fully come to understand why Sparks themselves stick with a lovely audience photo after every show accompanied by a massive "THANK YOU!".) However I do want to preserve my tour memories with more detail as well, so at a risk of terrible writing... here's part one of me attempting to write it all down. I went to 5 shows (Manchester, Royal Albert Hall x2, Utrecht and Brussels) and I'll be making posts for all of them. (...I am unreasonably excited to talk about the show in Brussels, but all in good time.) This first post will probably be the longest one as I will be including my first reactions to all the songs, and will equally talk about Mr. B's set in detail :) (Spoiler alert: he too was absolutely amazing and contributed considerably to how great everything was.)

Show #1: Bridgewater Hall, Manchester (may 27, 2023)

Things had not gone smoothly at all for me with the ticket sale for this show, but it worked out amazingly as the result was that @where-did-the-groove-go got to be my concert buddy which was such an honour! It was her first Sparks show and my first one of the tour and honestly, you can't do much better than to start of with a Manchester show. I had been worried about how far away our seats would be but it was a lot closer than photos of the venue had made it seem and we had an amazing view: we were in the centre of the middle of the first balcony, the seats were on a slight slope so no heads were blocking our view. Both of us had decided not to listen to the album before the show as it had only been out for a day. It was a tough decision to make, but it was absolutely the right one :D Okay, onto the show!!

Opening act: Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer

I was so excited to see Mr. B! I've known about him for years independently of Sparks and had missed out on seeing him with the Hippopotamus tour, so FINALLY I was seeing Mr. B! He came on in an amazing outfit and graced us with the opening lines of... Here Comes Bob?! I was losing my shit! We're not just being treated to Mr. B, but we're treated to Mr. B playing Sparks?! I am not normally one to enjoy Sparks covers, but I was having the time of my life! I love this guy! He then went on to play the Mr. B classic All Hail The Chap! (my sister would be jealous hehe), which I loved so much! The audience was a little slow to catch on, but eventually got there with doing their part which I was happy about. This was followed up by once again familiar notes... Amateur Hour?! MORE SPARKS?? Are you kidding me right now, what did we do to deserve this! IT WAS SO GOOD! After which it didn't end, because then he went on to play Get In The Swing (which is one of my favourite songs of all time - I was being very normal and chill about everything). It took me a moment to grasp the fact we were being treated a full-blown Sparks medley, because it didn't stop there and he just kept going with the Sparks songs. The medley lasted nearly 10 minutes and my mind was blown at many points. He included so many songs that I had only ever dreamed of hearing live. I was having THE BEST TIME. He ended the medley by loudly singing "ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS SEX!!!!". I was laughing so much, it really was the perfect medley. The next song was one of his own songs that I hadn't heard yet but it had me chuckling so much, a song called Looking Forward To Leaving that he thought might resonate with the Sparks sensibility and their fans. (All too right, sir, all too right.) He finished his set with a cover of Suburban Homeboy and I couldn't have been happier. THE Suburban Homeboy supreme covering that song, Mr.B you have all my love. Sparks had yet to hit the stage but this evening was already made. (@dinkydiamond had seen the show the night before and like a good friend who doesn't spread spoilers, had only told me that at many points she had thought about how much I was going to love it. I hadn't even thought about the fact that that statement would include Mr. B's set to such a degree!)

Mr. B's setlist

(You may enjoy listening to the medley first before knowing what songs were part of the medley, so proceed with caution. I've added asterisks to the titles of the songs within it that blew me out of my seat the most.)

Here Comes Bob

All Hail The Chap!

Medley: Amateur Hour, Get In The Swing*, Big Boy, Moustache, What Are All These Bands So Angry About?*, Strange Animal*, Mickey Mouse, I Predict, When I'm With You, Missionary Position*, All You Ever Think About Is Sex*

Looking Forward To Leaving

Suburban Homeboy

_____

The music played in the hall was SO TENSE AND DRAMATIC. You just got to love and respect Sparks for their music picks to play in the hall before the show, they really know how to set the scene and get the audience excited and anxious in equal amounts. (A few shows later we learned it was film music by Bernard Hermann, which really was such an amazing choice. I'll come back to this subject later on with a bit more info on the songs in my write-up of another show.)

The big event! ~Sparks!~

HOLY SHIT their entrance music was so exciting and beautiful!!!! Russell's outfit! GOD YEAH. It also immediately became clear this audience was going to be AMAZING, everyone was so ready to go! RON WAS WEARING JORDANS!!!! (A dream of mine to see one day!!!) To a lot of very loud cheering, Russell proceeded to do his famed "So.... Manchester, may we start?" to start things off. Still the perfect opener, and I never tire of when So May We Start kicks off and Russell does the jump. The audience response was amazing, which was really fun to see from the balcony! I was really enjoying the lights, which also were especially great to see from our balcony seats! (Also Russell gets an award for performer of the year for pretending to look at his imaginary watch while singing "it's time to start".)

I loved doing the ah-ah-ah's with the entire audience for The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte, and it was so cool to see it live! The lights were absolutely excellent. But a gif will say what I loved the most about the performance of that song a lot better than words ever could, so:

Russell was being really sweet about how playing Manchester is always really great and then added it was the "first time we play this ProPEr THeAtrE, but uh we'll try to make due anyway". (Footage of him saying this exists and it's extremely blessed.) He spoke about the new album and asked the audience which number it is. The audience incoherently shouted some things back, to which Russell's response was to roast us all by saying "Clearly you don't know."

Eaten By The Monster Of Love was a totally unexpected treat that blew my mind! It's quite possibly my favourite song from Angst In My Pants and I love the synth line so much! So lucky!!! I loved Russell's dancing during Angst In My Pants, I had really missed his dancing and with that song it's always especially excellent. Beaver O'Lindy blew my brains out! I'd not expected that at all! The lights were amazing (the spotlight for the accordion parts, the portraying of the letters, light flashing on Ron from all sides - I've got footage of this and somehow it looked especially good this night), shouting along to B-E-A-V-E-R, Russell's falsetto... What a perfect song, it's got it all :D "Yes I knooow - WOO!" When I'm With You was so special, it's so blessed that they chose to play it. It's how we all feel about them, and what's better than to sing it back at them while they're playing it for us :) It's also a song that highlights Russell's amazing voice especially well, his voice absolutely kills me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I also loved those swirly lights! And what we've gone on to affectionately refer to as "Russell's swim dance". Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is is an absolute banger and it was my favourite of the 3 singles that had already been released before the album came out - I was so ready to go :D I loved Russell's moves for this song so much! Something that really stayed with me is that he actually spun around for "Take a look around and you'll understand". (Can I love him even more?)

The time arrived for the first new song from the album that me and @where-did-the-groove-go hadn't heard yet, which Russell introduced with these words: "This is another brand new song for any of you who feel like maybe you're not on the right course." *small pause* "It's a song that's called 'It Doesn't Have To Be That Way'." ...I was simultaneously having an out of body and in of body experience and already felt teary eyed, and the song hadn't even started yet. It hit me really hard, it was so beautiful and I am so grateful that this was how I first heard this song. "It doesn't have to be that way, OKAY". I was literally holding my heart throughout the whole song (which I was doing quite often during the show anyway but, I literally couldn't do anything else). Absolutely transfixed. "I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it". Thank you so much Sparks for having our backs <3 Genuinely one of the most beautiful experiences and songs ever. (We all spoke about it for many days, for weeks, even months after the show. And obviously I am still talking about it now. I've got my full essay on it elsewhere so you'll be spared of that here - I think you all understand what I mean anyway.)

BALLS hit me in the face like a brick! (Positive. SO VERY POSITIVE.) It's one of my current absolute favourite songs and I had been raving about Balls all the time for the last year or so! I would have never expected to hear it live, AND HERE WE WERE! I was completely losing my shit!!! It was intense, banging, and also beautiful. Also the lights during the instrumental bit?! The way the light filled the hall?!! R&R were both going at it with full energy, I couldn't love it more! Balls and shouting along to it with my fist in the air was one of the absolute biggest highlights of the show for me! (And there were so many highlights.) I am pretty sure there was at least one BALLS [insert fist emoji here] aimed in my direction which I am so grateful for! It was so cool! *synced up BALLS!* Hearing one of my favourite bits of lyrics live, "Do you want to wait, or crash the gate?", was just something else. Balls is one of THE inspirational songs of all time. At least to me. (After the show 3 friends seperately came up to me and shouted BALLS! at me before saying anything else and I love you all so much, you all really know me well [teary eyed smile emoji] That was really special to me. I've made some gifs of some of my Balls footage too, most of my footage of it is rightfully feral but some of it came out well: 1, 2.)

Shopping Mall Of Love remains such a win live, Ron is appropriately intense and cool (not that Ron is ever not cool - Ron is always cool) and I love the way he performs the song. Russell did some great dancing behind Ron too, and also walked around like a badass while singing his "Come, the shopping mall of love, come with me" parts. Award winning! Also THE CLAPS. Always, THE CLAPS. And Manchester audiences know how it's done [fire emoji] Toughest Girl In Town was yet another absolutely amazing and surprising setlist choice, so cool! What I especially liked was that I could see Sarah and Amanda losing their shit to it downstairs in the stalls, dancing so hard in their seats :D That really added to it - some big Toughest Girl In Town fans down there! (I am so proud of my friends.) Also.. THE TAMBOURINE!!! [heart emoji]

The next song that was new to us was Escalator, and I loved it SO MUCH!!! It had me immediately. The driving machine type of sound, the very clear and bright sounding synth sounds, Russell's escalator dance (!!!!! which he did a lot, btw, almost the entire song), the lights! This song just *feels* amazing, the lights going up and down - hell yeah. Russell's escalator dance really is everything to me. I was holding my heart the entire time. I live in this song now, this is now my new home. You can wake me up in the middle of the night for a live performance of Escalator. Any time. (To say it was an instant favourite is an understatement.)

We Go Dancing was similarly new to us, and sadly it felt like it went over most of the audience's head a bit because obviously very few people had heard the album so far and it's a hard one for catching the lyrics live. A very intense experience but also really cool, it's a super blessed thing to be able to hear songs live before hearing it elsewhere. After hearing it I was excited to find out later what the song would have been about.

*Ron plays piano motif* OH MY GOD BON VOYAGE?! YOU WHAT?!! Russell's vocals were literally everything and I loved all the arm swaying, it was such a sweet experience and another song that so clearly shows how awesome Manchester audiences are when it comes to Sparks. I loved this so much! Russell's moves for the "two of you, two of them" bit were absolutely *chef's kiss* too :D All of this was soon followed by me gasping yet again when the first notes of Music That You Can Dance To filled the hall! My literal reaction was OH MY GOD THEY KEPT IT!!!!! *proceeds to go nuts* One of The Live Songs Ever, a song I already loved before hearing it live, and possibly my favourite live song from the tour the year prior too. (I am pretty sure I screamed quite audibly and notably on the previous tour every time they played it, and I am happy to report I still feel exactly the same.) We all know this gets everyone out of their seats, and with this being Manchester it was especially amazing. It was so great to watch everyone equally going nuts from the balcony, party of all time! Russell's mic stopped working at some point though which was sad, but it only lead to him clapping and dancing harder. So mic be damned, it was possibly even more fun and special because of it.

You know there's little point in sitting down after Music That You Can Dance To (and I don't really want to sit down after that to begin with, if at all, but I am a bit self-conscious about dancing in the balcony), so we leaned on our seats for a second while the opening notes of When Do I Get To Sing My Way were played. It obviously *really* took off again rather quickly :D Unfortunately the mic problem came back but this time it was rapidly solved and Russell got to sing almost the whole song anyway, and I can not overstate how great it was to watch this whole audience dancing.

The party continued with The Number One Song In Heaven which obviously always wins, and of course included Ron's dance - HELL YEAH. However towards the end of the song Russell's microphone stopped working YET AGAIN. He was handed another microphone, which was equally not doing anything, and so he yeeted the mic. (all too right honestly, how many broken mics are you going to hand him?! That was not ok.) Of course this really sucked, especially for Russell, but this man's a true professional and made all of this extra fun for everyone: he went at it extra hard with the clapping and dancing and no one in the audience was going to let this ruin anything either. Russell gestured for the audience to sing the lines and we *really* did our best. ([salute emoji] On it boss!) It ended up being extra special because of it and we all still had the absolute best time. But of course at the same time it was rightfully upsetting. Once Russell had a mic that worked again he expressed his disappointment in not being able to sing the end of the song, which is one of his favourite parts. (Oof tech team, bad job.)

The show went on and Ron did a false start for This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us which is always a great time, people go nuts and then the song doesn't start hahaha. This audience was so phenomenal, it was the best time. And such a party when the song did properly start! Obviously there was a really large applause after that :) Which seemed to only stop because they started playing Gee, That Was Fun. It was so beautiful and touching. And really sad because indeed, noo, we don't want this to end! The standing ovation afterwards was massive and so very love filled. From my perspective even the bouncers seemed in awe with the audience. This audience could switch from going nuts to completely silent to a loving standing ovation in an instant, depending on what was happening on stage. It really was one of the best audiences I've been part of, I loved it so much! ^^ Ron and Russell very sweetly waved before leaving the stage :)

~Encore!~

They came back to a lot of cheering to which Russell said "Thank you - THE PARTY IS NOT OVER!" and we all cheered yet again, as A Love Story started. Another new song! WOOOOHH THIS WAS HITTING HARD! I loved it so much! And the lights with the massive X's were so cool! Absolutely a highlight! When My Baby's Taking Me Home started me and @where-did-the-groove-go yelled out in unison which is still so funny to me and also, all too right, all too right!!! It doesn't matter if you've seen it live a couple of times or if it's your first time - it HITS. The audience was once again utterly amazing, really heightening the experience. (ALSO, the rainbow lights that fades to white!)

During the band introduction Ron was still clapping for the other band members when Russell went "oh yeah..." and went to stand beside Ron and did a cheesy grin, "the guy who writes much of what you've heard this evening and what you've heard on albums 1 to 26", *Ron does a Ron-cringe*, "my big brother, Ron Mael." This started a RON RON RON chant which made me so happy :D When it seemed to die down just a tiny bit, Russell interrupted and said "He says thank you." asdjhds, sir XD He also added that Manchester shows are always amazing but "this one tops them all". [insert teary eyed smile emoji] (True though, it really was one of the best shows I've been to, if not the best one!) After that, All That was such a smiley lovely performance and I did quite a bit of internal screaming with how lovely exactly it all was and had been. (When I watch footage back I can't help but say "aww" out loud quite a few times. It really was so sweet.)

Something I hadn't realised as it happened but learned about later was that they were so happy with their bow - which was so fun. I had avoided spoilers of course but I learned that there was a bit of bowing-chaos in Oxford. So in Manchester there was a 'Wahey, we nailed the bow!!' moment after bowing XD (I made a post about that, it's too good.)

MASSIVE STANDING OVATION. Russell forced the microphone on Ron, saying "Here! He hasn't spoken on the tour so it's only cos it's Manchester", as he proceeds to evily walk away. This moment was so funny to me because Russell clearly knew very well what he was doing and Ron was just standing there smiling looking at this happening, with no chance of handing the mic back. His speech was wonderful and really sweet, starting off with saying that the citizens of other cities were going to hate him for this XD The audience was so silent while he spoke and didn't start cheering until he had actually finished speaking which was real nice. Russell wanted to grab the mic back after that but Ron didn't want to let it go yet, which was another moment I really enjoyed witnessing. Ron introduced Russell as the vocalist of the band, which had Russell standing there smiling really wide, after which Russell quickly grabbed the mic back. (I love them so much hahaha.) Russell asked to take a photo with "all of you fine people" (I am normal about this) and happily bounced after the photo was taken. The applause got going again and it was just the best. Russell blew kisses to people and the amount of love in the hall was just so damn high.

It felt like they didn't want to have to leave that stage and obviously we didn't want them to leave either. Everyone was just so happy to be there. What a show. What an audience. It really was the sweetest :)

Sparks setlist

So May We Start?

The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte

Eaten By The Monster Of Love

Angst In My Pants

Beaver O'Lindy

When I'm With You

Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is

It Doesn't Have To Be That Way

Balls

Shopping Mall Of Love

The Toughest Girl In Town

Escalator

We Go Dancing

Bon Voyage

Music That You Can Dance To

When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way'

The Number One Song In Heaven (featuring Ron's dance)

This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us

Gee, That Was Fun

A Love Story

My Baby's Taking Me Home

All That

(I did not make it into the photo as I am behind Ron's head, but @where-did-the-groove-go and some other friends did make it in ^_^)

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~ Bonus: post show shenanigans ~

After the show we were hanging out with a little group of us in the entrance hall of the venue, quite a lot of our tumblr people and even some of our friends from Japan were present which was so cool! It was so very nice to see everyone, whether it was seeing again or for the first time! I went to say hello to Mr. B who was manning his own merch table to let him know how much I'd loved his set, and that covering Sparks isn't easy to do in my opinion but that he truly nailed it. He said he had been nervous about it and only had had 2 weeks to prepare. (Sir that's incredible!) He was really lovely. He said he hoped to see me again and I gave him the cringiest: "Oh, you WILL!" (With fingerguns.) (...I really am like this.)

Our little group decided to check out the artists entrance, but there were so many people there and so when Ron and Russell actually *did* come out me and another friend both instinctively hid behind a wall. (Normal behaviour. ...but we just really don't want to crowd them.) There was another round of applause, which was really lovely. I was very busy hiding behind that wall though so I am not the most reliable person to say what happened next, but Ron and Russell kept their distance and stayed for a little bit to wave and smile at people which was really lovely. When they entered their car to leave, the fans instantly parted like the sea to clear the road for the car and I love that our fandom is like that :) We all waved as they passed by, and then ...the car had to immediately stop in front of a red traffic light 5 metres away. I absolutely lost it, you just can't make this up XD (We left immediately.) It was so hard for our group to then have to split up after such a lovely evening, but attempts to sleep needed to be made and there was the journey to London the next day. (Not that we slept much at all, there was a lot to discuss and think about.) Luckily a lot of us would be going on to London so at least we'd all be seeing each other again soon :)

[horrorlove14]

His Forever Home - One Piece

Pairing: Trafalgar D. Water Law x Pregnant Wife! Reader

Law met his wife, Y/N during childhood when she and her family were visiting Flevance for their yearly holiday.

They became fast friends and often played together until her vacation was over but stayed in touch by writing letters and sending photos of their lives to each other, not realising that they were slowly falling in love.

The letters stopped when Flevance was destroyed because of the Amber Lead Syndrome. Y/N fell into a deep depression when she heard about what happened and thought that Law had died as a result.

When Law was in his teens, he was reunited with Y/N by pure chance when he saw her at the local park, sitting on a bench reading a book.

He approached her to let his presence be known which caught her by surprise and she burst into uncontrollable tears because she couldn't believe that the boy whom she thought had died was alive and well.

She and Law had an emotional reunion where she tearfully admitted that she loved him ever since they were children and how much she missed him over the years.

Law admitted that he felt the same way and the two became lovers as a result. Throughout the whole relationship, he was very protective towards her from any enemies and would treat whatever illness she caught but at least, they were happy and in love.

If they were to fight, the main reasons would be Law overworking himself during his training as a doctor where he would forget to eat and sleep or him getting reckless during his travels where he could have gotten himself seriously hurt or sick. They would resolve them by giving each other space before acknowledging their issues, apologise and make up.

As time goes on, he became a doctor and formed his crew, the Heart Pirates where the members would look after Y/N whenever he was away because they respect him despite his aloof personality and love Y/N as if she's part of their family.

Law proposed to her during a festival with a beautiful ring he has purchased during his travels. She said yes, making him the happiest man alive who has a new purpose in his life which is to stay by her side until the end of time.

They had their wedding on a beautiful island which was attended by Y/N's family, Law's pirate crew and his allies. He cried his eyes out when he saw her in her wedding dress and during their vows because he was finally marrying his soulmate and the love of his life.

Their honeymoon was spent on a different island where they bask in the moment of their newlywed life and look forward to many things together.

Life was back to normal for a few months until Y/N discover that she was pregnant and went to the doctors to confirm it. She tells her husband when he returned home from one of his missions and he was delighted with the news of becoming a father and peppers her with a ton of kisses, thanking her for this wonderful blessing.

During the pregnancy, Law would always check up on her to ensure that their unborn baby is healthy and well. He would talk to the baby with stories of his pirate missions and sea travels while having his head and hands rest on Y/N's growing baby bump and feeling their kicks.

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Present Time

Y/N is currently 7 months pregnant with their first child and is being well looked after by her family, friends and ally pirate doctors while her husband and his crew are away at sea for a mission.

She fondly recalled the moment when she first told him about the pregnancy and his reaction to it was purely wholesome because he ugly cried his eyes out from pure happiness with the knowledge that he was going to be a father to a new life and starting a family with his beloved wife whom he sees as his soulmate and forever home.

She keeps herself preoccupied while she waits for Law to return home but sometimes cries herself to sleep due to herself missing him, combined with her pregnancy hormones making her feel emotional at times.

When Law finally returns from the sea, he immediately heads home to be greeted by the sight of Y/N preparing his favourite meals in the kitchen with a soft, relaxed expression on her face looking beautiful in her outfit that shows off her baby bump.

He goes up behind her to embrace her and the baby bump while gently pressing butterfly kisses on her shoulder, neck and cheek, telling her that he's home and how much he missed her and the baby.

She giggles at this and welcomes him home before telling him to go sit down in the dining room while she prepares his food. Once she's done, she brings out the food and sets them down on the table and the two catch up with each other before spending the rest of the day together in peace.

Later that evening, they're in their bedroom, relaxing with Law resting his head on her bump, telling the baby how much he missed them and couldn't wait to meet them in the next couple of months.

2 months later

Y/N is finally 9 months pregnant and close to giving birth which is making her feel anxious but Law reassures her that he's here and everything will be okay since he's a doctor after all.

That fateful day finally came when her water broke during a family outing, Law sprang into action and took her to the nearby hospital as she's going into labour with their child.

At the hospital, he's in the waiting room, feeling anxious because he's finally becoming a father and praying that the birth will go smoothly because he cannot bear to lose her and his child after suffering enough loss during his lifetime.

After a long time, a baby's cry is heard making him feel relieved that his child is finally born and the birth went successfully.

He goes to visit his wife's hospital room and is greeted by the beautiful sight of her holding their newborn child in her arms while sitting up in her hospital bed.

He approaches her by her bedside to see the baby up close and she tells him that they have a son and remarks how cute he is. Poor Law becomes emotional at the fact that he's officially a father to a healthy baby boy and vows to protect his new family at all costs.

His crew members have come to visit the baby and are in awe of him where they take turns holding him in their arms before leaving the room to give their captain and his wife a moment alone with their baby.

The new parents bask in the sweet moment of them becoming parents and look forward to creating many memories as a family.

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End of story. Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated.

[thetavolution]

20 TAV/OC QUESTIONS

More of these!

Please consider yourself tagged if you want to! Feel free to @ me so I can read them.

This time it's Sebastian (Ingrid's little brother, half-deep gnome and half-forest gnome wizard) and Viktor (tiefling paladin, oath of vengence). If artificer was available, Sebastian would have been that instead though.

This helped me get to know them better.

Sebastian

I. what do they smell like at their freshest? (and/or after a tenday. your choice)

He always smells like a forest and smokepowder, at least a little.

II. what would their blood taste like to vampires?

It'd be coffee. It'd just be straight black coffee with how much he ingests. He'll give a vampire the caffeine jitters.

III. how would they kiss their LI?

He adapts to his LI. He follows their lead on what they want. He's not good at knowing what he wants.

IV. how do they sleep with their LI (what position, does one steal the blankets, is one too hot/cold, etc)?

Dude can sleep anywhere. People joke about the weird positions he falls asleep in. It's no different when another person is added. He'll start the night up against them and then off the side of the bed by morning.

V. what does their tent area look like? where do they prefer to pitch their tent (next to water, covered on three sides, etc)?

He's a tinkerer. He has so many random parts and tools. He has things taken apart to see how they work, or he's trying to build his own. He's also an alchemist so there are a lot of ingredients. Most people fear stepping foot inside because what if something explodes in there?

VI. if they had a set of dnd dice, what would they look like?

It'd be forest green.

Photo from dnddice.com

VII. do they collect anything (gems, bottles, keys, etc)?

Does his artificer supplies count? He has so much of it. He also hordes smokepowder.

VIII. if either, are they part of the astarion/gale book club (magic & literature) or the wyll/shadowheart book club (trashy romance novels)?

Astarion/Gale, but he'd definitely get recommendations from Shadowheart and Wyll to give his sister, Ingrid.

IX. if they had to be put in a “get along shirt” with a companion, who would it be?

Astarion. Astarion's anti-gnome bullshittery would get under his skin. They eventually get along though.

X. do they prefer speak with dead or speak with animals?

Speak with animals. He's half-deep gnome and half-forest gnome, taking after his forest gnome side a bit more.

XI. what are their thoughts on clowns?

He doesn't care for them. They make him uncomfortable ever since the clowning incident of 1476.

XII. their companions are gossiping about them behind their back! who is it and what are they saying?

Back home, Ingrid and their family was gossiped about. Ingrid and Sebastian share a father, but have different mothers. The drama between them is common gossip back home. No matter where he is, his heritage is cause for gossip. There aren't a lot of half-forest half-deep gnomes running around.

The others gossip about how he could be a lawyer with how much he knows legalities of wherever they go. Astarion is impressed and jealous of how good he is at finding loopholes. They'd gossip about how and WHY he's so good at that. What crimes has he committed and justified? (This skill was inspired by Manager to Manager from Central Park.)

XIII. what makes them laugh? what does their laugh sound like?

He stifles his laugh a lot. It's very quiet chuckle as a result. It's hard to get a loud belly laugh out of him. He usually has to be drunk before he lets loose. He does have a good sense of humor though. He particularly loves puns and dad jokes.

XIV. do they have any inside jokes among their companions?

Karlach gets him to put his defenses down and he has a few inside jokes with her. He'd slowly start joking with the whole team eventually.

I am SO BAD at knowing what these jokes would be.

XV. what’s the description of their camp clothes in the inventory menu?

"These clothes smell like they've been rolling around in dirt and explosive powder."

XVI. what’s the description of their underwear in the inventory menu?

"Oh for the Gods' sake, does he have smokepowder on EVERYTHING he owns?"

XVII. how do they celebrate their birthday?

He never liked celebrating his birthday. His narcissistic mother would make the day about herself and what she wanted. Once he moved away, he really had no interest in engaging with it because of his bad memories. He'd only start to celebrate if someone eased him into it and made it about what he wants. He'd want something really low key.

XVIII. what modern day tv show would they binge over a weekend? do they get their LI to watch with them?

His list is more electic than his sister's but equally surprising. They would both watch From, What We Do In The Shadows, and ghost hunting shows together though.

Outside of that, he'd be watching House of the Dragon, Mythbusters, Fallout, and Yellowjackets. He'd also watch Love Island and The Great British Bake Off.

He'd never ask his LI to watch with him, but he'd feel warm and cozy if they offered. It'd make him happy.

XIX. do you have a playlist for your tav? if so, what’s the title + description?

I don't really do titles or descriptions. I just make the title their name and list the songs.

Failsafe — The Choir Practice

This Year — The Mountain Goats

Always Tired — Weathers

Money Issues — Chase Petra

Waving Through A Window — Ben Platt

Hate Myself — dodie

Save Me — Aimee Mann

Safe Travels (Don't Die) — Lisa Hannigan

Little Sister — Trixie Mattel (this song made me think of his relationship with his sister, Ingrid, even though she's older)

Crucify — Tori Amos

A Better Son/Daughter — Rilo Kiley

Narcissist — Avery Anna

feelings are fatal — mxmtoon

all the kids are depressed — Jeremy Zucker

My Ugly — Cloudfodder

Older Than I Am — Lennon Stella

Lemon Boy — Cavetown

Passenger Seat — Death Cab for Cutie

High On Life — Rasputina

I'm Still Standing — Elton John

XX. if you were to try pickpocketing them, what would they be carrying?

So much smokepowder. This man is a walking powder keg.

Viktor

I. what do they smell like at their freshest? (and/or after a tenday. your choice)

Rum and leather.

II. what would their blood taste like to vampires?

I'd say a spiced rum.

III. how would they kiss their LI?

He a bit emotionally stunted at the moment. His kisses begin reluctant. After his walls come down more, his kisses tend to be passionate, as if he's afraid his LI will disappear when he lets go.

I have no idea who he'd romance at this point. Barcus was the original goal, but I can also see him with Shadowheart and Wyll.

IV. how do they sleep with their LI (what position, does one steal the blankets, is one too hot/cold, etc)?

He's used to sleeping alone these days. He's always a bit warm so he's not likely to steal blankets. He's more likely to only be half-covered by them. As he grows more comfortable, he does become a cuddle bug.

V. what does their tent area look like? where do they prefer to pitch their tent (next to water, covered on three sides, etc)?

It's lacking as he doesn't carry a lot with him. He'd be a gunslinger if that were available in BG3 so he has paladin weapons or gunslinger weapons about. He has some clothing in there, but not much else. Can a gun paladin be a thing? They just show up to a sword fight with a gun.

VI. if they had a set of dnd dice, what would they look like?

It'd be red and black.

Image from Crystal Maggie.

VII. do they collect anything (gems, bottles, keys, etc)?

Not really. He doesn't like to have a lot of things on him. He hates owning things he doesn't need.

VIII. if either, are they part of the astarion/gale book club (magic & literature) or the wyll/shadowheart book club (trashy romance novels)?

Neither. He reads, but it'd be his own thing.

IX. if they had to be put in a “get along shirt” with a companion, who would it be?

Wyll. They ultimately have the same goals, but they argue so hard about how to reach them. The fact they're not that far off from each other's beliefs is why they have the worst fights.

X. do they prefer speak with dead or speak with animals?

While he does love animals, he'd say speak with the dead. He wants to give the dead a voice one last time.

XI. what are their thoughts on clowns?

He really doesn't care. While he doesn't want them to bother him, he doesn't feel strongly about them. He does avenge Dribbles because, well, he avenges all those wronged.

XII. their companions are gossiping about them behind their back! who is it and what are they saying?

He's the mysterious stranger with a dark past. Everyone would have opinions on what that dark past is and how much they should be worried about it. What has he done? What has he seen? What is the horrible sin that follows him like a shadow?

He won't open up about his past like the rest of the trauma piñatas at camp, so they gossip about it.

They'd gossip about his love life, too, regardless of who he romances.

XIII. what makes them laugh? what does their laugh sound like?

He doesn't laugh often. He might let out a little amused breath most of the time if someone does amuse him. He'll only laugh loudly and heartily once his walls are completely down with someone. He does enjoy light-hearted comedy and dark humor.

XIV. do they have any inside jokes among their companions?

He would be hesitant to try to joke around. He tries to keep people at arm's length, but they'd slowly creep in. He'd end up having the most inside jokes with Jaheira, Gale, and Shadowheart though.

XV. what’s the description of their camp clothes in the inventory menu?

"Well worn but not well loved, they're haphazardly mended after years of use."

XVI. what’s the description of their underwear in the inventory menu?

"At least he believes in getting new underwear regularly, unlike the rest of his clothing."

XVII. how do they celebrate their birthday?

He doesn't.

He'd only celebrate if someone else does something for him.

XVIII. what modern day tv show would they binge over a weekend? do they get their LI to watch with them?

He probably wouldn't watch a lot of TV. He's more of a reader. If you did get him to watch TV, he'd probably enjoy Baby Reindeer, Breaking Bad, and The Wire. If the right person introduced him to it, he'd also like White Lotus.

He'd only want his LI to watch if they were genuinely interested without his input.

XIX. do you have a playlist for your tav? if so, what’s the title + description?

Big Iron — Marty Robbins

Johnny Guitar — Peggy Lee

Glory of Love — Peter Cetera

Wrong Side of Heaven — Five Finger Death Punch

Million Reasons — Lady Gaga

Idfc - Blackbear (for him and his love interest)

Pretty Pills for Broken Hearts — Cloudy June

Diamonds And Rust — Joan Baez

Further On Up The Road — Johnny Cash

The Stranger Song — Leonard Cohen

People Ain't No Good — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie — Colter Wall

I Am All I Got — The Dead Brothers

Devil's Backbone — The Civil Wars

I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You — Tom Waits

Lithium and a Lover — Sirenia

Grave In the Valley — Jim & Jesse

I Am Stretched on Your Grave — Kate Rusby

Take Me to Church — Hozier

Devil In You — The Haunted Windchimes

XX. if you were to try pickpocketing them, what would they be carrying?

Money and some lint. He doesn't carry anything unless he has to.

[michanvalentine]

Notes: I went with the flow (and the poll result! xD) and wrote this fanfiction. It is the retelling of the events we already know, from the point of view of the most lovable scientist in the world. <3 (x°°°D) With the addition of various and possible missing moments, of course. I particularly focused on the psychological aspect of Hojo, on how a person like him can experience falling in love. With everything that entails. In this case, naturally, it is the poor Vincent (and not only) who pays the price. There are no explicit scenes of violence and a lot is left to the reader's imagination, but I think the result is still quite disturbing. Normally I dabble in the comedy genre, but when I decide to change I don't have too many scruples. And Hojo remains a disturbing character in his own right. Below I leave a preview of the fanfiction, until I finish translating it and my account on Archive of Our Own is up and running. Be patient with me, I'm an old woman! xD

You look at the Turk sideways, his tall, slender figure silhouetted against the bright glass window. The image - or the light - hurts your eyes and you turn back to the steaming coffee in your hands. It was that silly hen who prepared the drink - for everyone, including you. Your mouth distorts into a grimace of impatience: you didn't need a break. But Faremis found it a splendid idea. To you it's just a useless waste of time, however, and you tremble leaning against the wall, when you could instead be concentrating on the lenses of your microscope. “…I took them home, their parents didn't know where they had ended up,” the dude sent by Shinra is saying.

“Luckily they didn't get hurt,” observes the female, the hen to whom you owe that annoying interruption.

“Good job, Valentine,” Faremis adds, and takes another sip of coffee.

A sound of annoyance comes out of your mouth, and you haven't even touched your coffee yet. Good fucking job, you think. He is paid to protect you, to repel and eliminate threats, not to babysit. It doesn't matter that it was a bunch of curious kids who attempted the break-in.

“Excellent indeed, now the villagers of Nibelheim will think that crossing the borders of the Shinra mansion and putting our jobs at risk is a simple joke,” you observe.

Everyone's eyes fall on you, as if they had only noticed you at that moment. Crescent even puts a hand to her mouth in surprise. But you barely notice, because you're focused on the Turk. On the still look, on the regular features of the face, on the crimson eyes that convey no hesitation. It irritates you, but you can't exactly say why. Meanwhile, from the photo on his CV you hadn't understood how tall he was. And to look him straight in the face you are forced to raise your head. He looks like Grimoire Valentine, you notice again - even if that charlatan has been dead for a while and you don't remember him well. But Vincent Valentine also inherited from his mother. Genetic traits don't lie, no matter how pleasantly mixed they are. He may wear an elegant dark suit, enjoy an excellent education and all the training necessary to stand out among the Turks, but he remains a dirty half-breed. A bastard from Wutai.

“I didn't think it was appropriate to do otherwise,” he says - he contradict you, in fact, and without hesitation in his voice, “Scaring the children more than necessary would have alarmed the entire village. I imagine that to work you need quiet and concentration, not eyes on you.”

“I understand the concern, Hojo, but everything is under control. Our security guard knows what to do,” adds Faremis, unsolicited.

You let your gaze go from one to the other and grit your teeth. Valentine's insolence, Faremis's condescension. You feel outraged deep inside and a little voice suggests to you that they both think they are superior to you, that they can silence you. Clench your fists as well and keep quiet. Take the insult - for now. At least the hen saw fit to stay out of it and keep quiet.

“Well,” you state dryly, “I hope so. In the meantime I believe that this," waste of time, useless theater crosses your mind. “Pause,” you say finally, “it lasted long enough. This is a very important project, Faremis, you should know. Or would you rather our diligent bodyguard also invite the Nibelheim brats here for a coffee?”

You don't wait for an answer, you have paid far too much attention to the issue and to those present, when there are many other things to do. Data to analyze, results to achieve. You throw the still full paper cup into the dustbin and walk away towards the lower floors of the mansion, towards your laboratory. There you will no longer have to listen to useless chatter, nor stumble upon Valentine's profile silhouetted against the window. Or in his steady red eyes that pass through you. Despite yourself, irritation follows you into the basement and you can't say why. He is nothing. Yet everyone in there seems to appreciate him. He is nothing, repeat in your mind; yet even you cannot ignore his simple existence. And you can't stand this.

[drumpfwatch]

0. Introduction

It’s said that the mark of a truly good leader isn’t just the decisions they make, but the people they make them with. Which makes sense. A good leader knows they don’t know everything and will seek advice from people more learned than them on things they don’t know about. Further, a leader attracts people to them who like their message. 

So let’s take a look at the people who surround Donald Trump, to determine what kind of leader he is. Let’s start with the kind of people who make up his fanbase.

1.0 The Kinds of People Who Like Trump

Who likes Trump? Who are the people who he most appeals to?

1.1 Weirdos

Let’s have some fun first. The first sort of people who like Trump are what I’m going to call the MAGAts. They’re people who got swept up in Trump’s cult of personality - and I do mean “cult.” I don’t have time to do a full BITE Model analysis of the MAGAts, so I’m not 100% sure, but the way they talk and act about him shows that they’re not thinking normally. These people talk about Trump as if he’s the second coming of Christ. These people would rather Vladimiere Putin run America than a Democrat because they are just that lost in the sauce. 

These people love his tough guy bravado show. They will never not vote for him because at this point they’re dogmatically invested in him as their Dear Leader. The result is that…they act kinda weird. 

It makes perfect sense to them, of course! It has to, or they wouldn’t do it. Some of them even make sense to me. Wearing a bandage across your ear in solidarity of the wound a person you cared about received? That’s sensible, if a little unusual. But then they start wearing diapers because Trump is supposedly shitting himself and I have no idea where the mental hoops are on that one. Frankly, I kinda don’t wanna know.

It’s to the point where when I was writing this section, I found it very easy to get confused between real and fake stories. There’s a story about supporters carrying around a pretend cup of J. D. Vance’s sperm, complete with unaltered photos, and I believed it because that’s honestly not that different from the diaper thing. Then when I decided to double check the story it seems that it’s probably untrue? The timing doesn’t match up exactly and it looks like there was only one cup. So if it was a Trump Supporter, it was just one absolute nutter getting a few people to join in on their weird little joke. 

Honestly though, these guys are pretty harmless, so I don’t want to spend much time on them. There are crazies all over the place, and while I’d argue Trump is definitely very good at attracting them, they’re not exclusive to him. Besides, they’re a little creepy and very weird, but they’re not hurting anyone directly. Which is less than I can say for the other people on this list. 

1.2 Billionaires

Trump is a wealthy man, and so are many of his friends. It would make sense that he does things to appeal to them. Hell, he cut all their taxes and defunded the government for them, why wouldn’t they?

Most of them are pretty quiet, letting their money do the talking. Trump is a bit of a toxic name after all. But he serves their interests and that’s what I want to focus on.

Trump proclaims he’s here to drain the swamp and is our last hope of fixing America as a political outsider, but he absolutely isn’t. Not if the problem with America is that the corporate fat cats are putting their fingers too much in our government. It shouldn’t be a shocker that the man whose finances make a nightmarish web of inscrutable horror, who refuses to divest himself from those business, and who keeps getting billions in direct donations from the wealthiest industries with the most to benefit from buying him off is probably in their pockets - partly because they’re his pockets. 

All of that said, these guys are also…not the worst. Yes they’re funneling billions of dollars into the campaign of a madman, but that’s they’re right and I won’t stop them from supporting who they want - even if I think you shouldn’t be allowed to donate that much to any campaign. That money will be used to hurt people, and that’s terrible, but a lot of these guys are so divorced from reality that when they fire someone, they think the firee should just spend a year at the beach with all the money they have to come back to the job market when it’s better. I can’t hate ignorance as much as I hate malice. And speaking of malice.

1.3 Nazis and Klansmen!

So to understand the modern Nazi you have to understand that a good number of them have realized directly calling themselves Nazis is bad publicity. They want you to join them and they know the past 80 years has been spent making sure the immediate knee jerk reaction to “Nazi” is “fuck off.” So they’re not Nazis, they’re just “concerned citizens,” they’re not white supremecists, they’re “Christian nationalists,” they're not trying to enact the Final Solution, they’re protecting themselves from the Great Replacement. They don’t “hate black/jewish/queer/latino/whatever’s on the menu today people,” they just think white people should be “proud of their heritage” too. 

They’ve also given their image a glow-up. Instead of being loud, swastika-covered skinheads, they’ll dress in tailored suits and speak politely, using philosophical language and college-educated rhetoric. With this change in their rhetoric and appearance, they talk to you, the normie - yes that is what they call you - about how “you know, those immigrants are really a problem.” They’re taking all the jobs and causing all the crime (a lie). They’ll slip in these little hints that “they” want to erase white culture, and that white people are being “replaced”. Oh, no no no, they don’t want to kill the migrants, they want to “remigrate” them back to their homes. And once you buy that, they start pulling you further and further down - or letting you do that to yourself. Remigration sounds good, but it’s also expensive and they might sneak back in. Surely there’s a cheaper solution. A more…final one.

This is why knowing their dog whistles is very important. Nazis think they’re being clever when they put SS in their username or replace the swastika with the black sun. There are any number of a thousand symbols they use to signal to each other that they’re all in on the “joke,” ranging from Old Norse Runes to the 🥛 emoji. And to a degree, they are. How crazy do I sound when I say “that guy’s a Nazi because he has 1488 in his username!”? Sure, it could be a reference to the 14 Words that are the core of nazism, followed by 8 to mark the 8th letter of the alphabet - HH, for Heil Hitler - but maybe it’s just their birthday! You don’t know for sure, and to call someone a Nazi without knowing for sure, that makes you the bad guy. 

All of this is to say that Nazis have made themselves very difficult to call out by weaponizing plausible deniability. But make no mistake, just because the lunatics aren’t shouting “Sieg Hiel!” at the top of their lungs, doesn’t mean they don’t want to get all of the Black, Jewish, Latinx and anyone else they personally don’t consider white out of America by any means necessary. They can call themselves whatever they want, just because they built a castle out of shit and not a bunker, doesn’t mean it isn’t made of shit. You can call it whatever you want too. I’m going to call it what it is - a steaming pile of shit.

So when I call Richard Spencer a Nazi, I’m not just saying that because I don’t like his very punchable face. I’m saying it because Richard Spencer has been at the forefront of the Great Replacement - a conspiracy theory about how brown people want to fuck us whities out of existence. When Richard Spencer says “Hail Trump! Hail our people!” while raising his hand in what is not exactly, but is suspiciously similar to a Nazi salute, I shouldn’t have to write entire paragraphs on how this is a Nazi doing a Nazi thing to support his favorite candidate, who he views as sympathetic to his Nazi cause.

I shouldn’t have to explain that when people like Sebastian Gorka see Trump as a great inroad for their political plans, we should be very concerned. As soon as I tell you that he is a supporter of the Magyar Garda, an antisemitic military organization so awful the EU banned it for being fascist, and a member of the Order of Vietz, which traces its heritage back to Nazi-occupied Hungary and was instrumental in shipping Jews off to the camps, I shouldn’t have to explain how whatever sort of policy plans Gorka has are probably not in the interests of anyone who cares about Jews. Sure, he denies it when directly asked, why wouldn’t he, he knows it’s toxic. But then he signs his doctoral thesis with L. v., the initials commemorating himself as a member. Deeds, not words, as they say. He was so toxic even Trump kicked him out after a few months.

I shouldn’t have to explain that when David Duke, former Grand Wizard of the KKK, says Trump is the first president he’s voting for because he’s the first one who he believes will carry out his will, that this is a bad thing. That whatever the rest of his plans, whatever color his soul, these people believe and are excited about him.

And I shouldn’t have to talk about Charlottesville. But I do, because people are good and want to give others the benefit of the doubt. A kindness the Nazis are more than eager to abuse.

I want to touch on it just a little bit deeper, because I think the circumstances around it are very illuminating. First of all, there’s no room for equivocation here. There were Nazis at this event, of all stripes. That’s what they meant by “unite the right”. Even if you argue that the average person wouldn’t recognize the black sun or the odal rune or 1488 or whatever else as Nazi symbols where they were presented on the shield wall, behind that, in the actual protest, there were swastikas and burning crosses galore. It would be impossible not to notice, and not to notice the rhetoric being spouted. If you were on that side, and you didn’t leave in disgust, your morals need some serious reevaluation. If you want an in depth description of just how bad it was, I suggest watching this video.  

These assholes then killed someone. And in the wake of this, what did the leader of the free world say? To the grieving family, to the worried nation, to the horrified targets of past Nazi violence, how did he respond? When the worst sort of scum crawled out from under the floorboards and killed in his name, our president said that “there are very fine people on both sides.” And no, his follow up of “not those people” doesn't cut it. 

I said anyone who stayed needs to reevaluate their morals, and I mean it. If you are standing on the same side as a swastika flag I don’t care what you believe, you’re choosing to stand with Nazis. Even if these people somehow didn’t look at the list of speakers and recognize them all as a cavalcade of varying flavors of Nazis, a “fine person” would have left as soon as they saw the first swastika - and there were a lot of swastikas.

Which isn’t to say they’re bad people. Maybe they were pressured into staying either by friends or inertia. But even those people were willing to put, say, the discomfort of leaving a party early over the wellbeing of others across the nation. Further, just because they’re Nazis doesn’t mean every one of them beats children and tortures cats. Hitler was very kind to his dogs. So I’m sure that yes, if you take a snapshot of the life of your average Nazi, they’re just a normal person for the most part. But so was Ted Bundy, if you forget the “making lamps out of women’s skin” thing. And that’s the rub, isn’t it? Just because they’re “fine people” some of the time, doesn’t make them fine people. The Nazis love it when the media runs stories about how “normal” they are because it makes it easier to forget they’re people with a desire to watch other people suffer and die. They need to be stopped first, then we can start talking about empathizing with them. 

And again, I shouldn’t have to explain this. I should not have to explain that if you stand with Nazis, you are not a fine person, and that our President should be fucking ashamed of himself for even thinking that was a reasonable thing to say. That everyone who believed it should also be ashamed. But here we are. This is why White Supremacists love Trump.

It would be one thing to say that he’s just letting them think he’s on their side, and purely using them as an untapped voter block. But that isn’t all he’s doing. He is making active decisions to cover up their crimes. He’s doing everything he can to hide the surge in Hate crimes since he took office. 

All of that said, can we at least agree that even if Donald Trump is not a fascist, he is at least fascist adjacent? That he’s using fascist principles to his advantage? Perhaps as a useful idiot? And can we please all agree that that is a problem? And while we’re at it, can we also agree that 

1.4 Treasonous Bastards

are also bad? Look, I know America Max news or whatever have been making a nothing burger out of treason, but that’s what it was. It was an actual attack on our capitol, where the flag of traitors flew above the building, and people died. The only reason it didn’t turn into a massacre is that the Capitol police were smart and kind and the attackers were stupid and entempered.

I’ve already spoken about the January 6th riot, so I won’t spend too much time on the events themselves. I will say that since then, the evidence of Trump’s responsibility and complicity has skyrocketed. 

He claims they were there because of concerns about the election, but who was the one telling lie after lie after lie about the election? Who was the one who arranged the January 6th protest, and who spent the entire time waxing on about the dangers of letting people get away with stealing the election. 

Even if you don’t believe he’s responsible because you shut your brain off whenever it comes to Trump, there is no denying two things.

The first is that, at the very least, he sat back and watched as this went on. When he was told his mob was going after Pence, and that Pence had to be taken to a safe place, his response was “so what?”. When McCarthy called him and told him his people were rioting, he said it was Antifa. When McCarthy proved that it wasn’t, he said “well maybe they are more upset about it than you are” and hung up. He did nothing. And he could have done any number of things! The riot was stopped because the National Guard was brought in (by Mike Pence, by the way, not him) and was stopped relatively peacefully. Trump could have done that, but he didn’t, because he does not care about our country or our constitution, he's a sore loser, a baby and is terrified of facing consequences for his actions. To deny this is to deny the reality of the situation. Mentally twist yourself into whatever position you need to argue he’s not responsible, blame Nancy Pelosi for not “properly defending the capitol” in conspiratorial undertones that imply it was an inside job (even though Pelosi asked for more defense beforehand and was in fact not responsible for the number of Capitol police there that day or capable of calling in the national guard), the absolute and undeniable fact is Trump knew what was going on, and did jack and shit for over 3 hours. Or, more accurately, until he knew his plan had failed and there was no reason to let his “day of love” continue. And what did he do? He put a little video up telling them all they were very special people and should leave in peace. And before you say “why didn’t someone else do anything?” that’s because he’s the COMMANDER IN FUCKING CHIEF! When the Capitol is attacked it’s his fucking job to stop it! Only he and two other people have the authority to do that and Pence was technically overstepping when he finally made the call. If Trump had called the guard in to stop the insurrection when it had first gotten out of hand, I guarantee you I would have praised him for it and re-evaluated some of my thoughts on this. But he didn’t. He let this happen, and the only reason for that is because it would benefit him. 

The second is that this is the sort of following he’s cultivated. Disavow them all you want, the people most enamored with Trump are these crazies. When else has this happened? What other President has had a following that stormed the Capitol because they thought the election was stolen from them? Even Al Gore didn’t have that, and he is arguably the most justified in history to the claim. This is not a kind of crazy that happens by accident, you need to cultivate it. He’s already making the same sort of whining noises for the 2024 election that he did in 2020. He stoked the fires of insurrection, is stoking them again, and my worst fear is that they will not die out with him.  

My expectation for this election is that Kamala is going to win both the popular and electoral votes, but that Trump will use every single opportunity he can to complicate matters and ruin everything. Then, if that fails, he’s going to try for another physical insurrection attempt. What happens from there, I can’t say. Enough of the generals hate him that I think any actual coup attempt will be repelled, but who knows how the damaged nation will react to this and what happens from there.

The fact is, these are all reasonable assumptions based on previous events. When I say Trump is a threat to democracy, I’m not parroting liberal talking points, these are hard facts and reasonable inferences to make from them. The Capitol riot is a thing that objectively happened and was terrible for our democracy. Anyone trying to argue otherwise is wrong, and anyone pretending Trump wasn’t responsible on some level is at best, a fool. 

2.0 The Kinds of People Trump Hangs Out With

But those are just his fan base. While Trump can certainly be blamed for signaling to them and using them, it would be understandable if he were just a disgusting person who used those sorts of monsters to his end. So, what sort of people does Trump keep in his inner circle? Who does he like to hang out with? Especially recently?

2.1 Laura Loomer

Laura Loomer has been a constant shadow for Trump for some time. He’s literally seen with her more often than his wife. In fact, is anyone else surprised by how much his wife doesn’t want to be involved with her husband’s political career? I’m sorry, I’m getting off track. We’re talking about Laura Loomer and how she shouts that "the White House will smell like curry & White House speeches will be facilitated via a call center." She called for a White Ethnostate, because she’s a Nazi, and is so appallingly racist that even Marjorie Taylor Green is calling her racist, that should probably concern you. Worse, she seems to have his ear pretty good, too, with multiple insider reports saying the reason Trump keeps saying conspiratorial nonsense is her.

Because, see, she isn’t just racist. She’s also completely nucking futs. She believes 9/11 was an inside job, that The Deepstate is using Magic Science Waves to create storms to stop people from voting for Trump, that some lunatic with a bomb was a member of Anti-Fa when he absolutely wasn’t, all while calling for the death of democrats, because at this point why not. She is a vile piece of filth, and she is currently the vizier in his ear. 

2.2 Elon Musk

One of Trump’s favorite people to talk to and talk about is Elon Musk. The guy even came to a Trump rally in a black “Dark MAGA” hat and jumped around like an idiot to celebrate for him.

Look, I apologize to all the Muskiites out there, but Elon is an idiot. I’m not saying that because I don’t like him, I don’t like Jeff Bezos either but I wouldn’t call him stupid, mostly because he’s not. Musk, however, very much is. He is not some all-powerful ubermensch genius, he’s the modern Thomas Edison, and I mean that in the bad way. Only where Edison at least understood the basics of the technology he would minutely improve and then patent, Musk apparently doesn’t even know the Δv equation while trying to make a rocket. For proof of that look no further than what happened with Twitter when he bought it. 

I could talk about how every decision he’s made has hurt it, from banning the block function to renaming it. But I think I’ll stick with my favorite example - the advertisement lawsuit. See, Musk sees himself as a free speech absolutist, believing that anyone should be able to say anything. Which is a fine position to hold, I suppose. But free speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences. If you use your public voice to espouse the death of GRSM/LGBT folk, then people also have the right to call you a bigot for that and tell everyone that’s what you believe, and other people have the freedom to choose to not platform you again. And if you put an ad for Disney next to a Nazi talking about how we should just gas the (ethnic slur for Jews) already, then Disney is well within its right to believe that’s detrimental to their brand and that the cost of their brand being associated with Nazis isn’t worth the benefit of the advertising on that platform. That’s not cancel culture, Elon, that’s people using free speech. The fact that people use grading organizations to help them determine that instead of each individually spending millions on doing the market research themselves doesn’t mean they’re colluding against you, either. That’s just called good business practice.

And that right there is the problem. It would be one thing if Musk were an actual absolutist who legitimately believed in the freedom to say whatever you want without consequence, but he doesn’t. See, when he discovered the Twitter account that posted status updates of his private plane’s location and flight plans, Elon immediately banned it. In a world of absolute free speech this should be allowed. It’s just words, after all, right? It's not even secret information - it’s all in the public record, freely available to anyone who knows how to find it - this guy was just using Twitter as a platform to aggregate and share it. Musk’s argument that it’s a potential threat to his safety because the crazies will always know where he is shouldn’t matter - it’s still speech and still the users right to say it. That’s what “absolute free speech” means. And while he did reinstate the accounts of journalists he banned for calling him out on it, he never reinstated the account itself.

This wouldn’t be the only instance of Musk censoring things. For a man who believes in the “free marketplace of ideas,” he has a really bad habit of forcing his views down people’s throats and silencing those of his detractors and opponents. Twitter’s algorithm is unkind to leftist views, and that is by design. And that’s where we really get into why Musk isn’t just an idiot, but a fascist sympathizer.

Now, I know I always say that the color of Donald Trump’s soul is up to him, but the thing is I do have an opinion on it. I just don’t think it’s productive to argue what truly is going on inside his head when his actual motives are secondary to the real damage he can, has and will cause. Musk, on the other hand, I legitimately have no god damned idea what he actually believes. But when I see him retweeting Great Replacement Nazi Propaganda, I’m sort of concerned he’s at least not bright enough to see through the lie. When he allows right wing scum bags like Alex Jones back on his platform, but then refuses to reinstate the accounts of equally pernicious leftist voices, I see at least hypocrisy if not self-delusion. And when he files a lawsuit against companies for not putting ads on his website because the website doesn’t meet the standards they require, I see at the best a petty loser who can’t admit to a mistake and at the worst one who is vindictive that his hateful message can’t be spread.

Again, I don’t know where along these spectrums the truth lies, but I don’t really care. What matters is none of these things reflect well on Musk. Musk is a self-interested loser. He pretends to be this genius, but he falls for dumb conspiracy theories and has tantrums whenever he’s not surrounded by yes men. The only reason Tesla and SpaceX are as successful as they are - and they’re not nearly as proficient as you think, the Tesla Cyber Truck has some hilarious flaw like having the accelerator get stuck or exploding when the battery gets wet - is because there are people at those companies whose job it is to keep Musk in check. As soon as Musk had to fend for himself he started trying to technobabble his way into sounding smart while breaking everything. Because as it turns out, when your motto is “move fast and break things” and you don’t have a dedicated team to clean up after your messes, you get left with a MESS. He’s not a genius, he’s a whiny idiot who used his family’s wealth to pay smart people to do smart things and then plastered his name all over their work.

And what matters for our purposes here is that Trump either buys the hype, or likes the man in spite of it. This is the man who has dropped the value of Twitter by over 70% because he breaks Chesterton Fence after Chesterton Fence with no respect for any of it. He’s a racist, a transphobe, and an asshole. He’s the worst sort of example of what Tech Bros are, which is why he’s their king. And as much as I love taking shots at him specifically, this is about Trump. And Musk is willing to give Trump a platform, a megaphone, and a shitload of cash to run his campaign, and Trump happily accepts it all. What does that say about him?

3.0 The Kinds of People Trump Appoints

Okay so those are just his friends. Maybe he keeps them around because they’re really nice people and he believes in free speech more than the lives of other people. That’s unacceptable, in my opinion, but maybe you’re okay with that as long as the people are hyper competent (spoiler alert: they’re not). So let’s talk about the kind of people he gives power to. We can all agree that if you give a Nazi a position of power, even if they’re really good at their job, you’re a bad person, right?

Now we don’t have time to go over every single one of his picks for every position. And to his credit, Trump occasionally made some good postings. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. So let’s pick some from around and see what we get out of them, shall we? Let’s start with the obvious - the man he chose to be his first Vice President, Michael Pence.

3.1 Mike Pence

What better place to start than the man Trump trusted to take his place should something happen to him, Michael Pence. The dude is old, and has been in politics for a long time. He actually used to be a Democrat, but then the Southern Strategy happened and he flipped to Republican in the early 80s, and that’s when he really began his career.

His career is marked by mediocrity and conservative actions. As Governor of Indiana, laws he passed include, but are not limited to one that required all terminated fetuses to be given funerals, tax cuts exclusively to corporations, laws that prevented local businesses from offering better wages then the federal ones, passed various laws to help kill renewable energy initiatives in his state, and one that allowed people to legally discriminate against LGBT people. You know, the usual sort of things conservatives do. 

He wasn’t completely terrible though. How about all the additional funding he gave to education, especially pre-schools? Although he seems to really hate public education, taking funding intended for them and filtering it to private and charter schools (more on why that’s a problem later). Oh, also, he’s a creationist, which might explain why he’s so interested in killing science curriculum.

Wait, not great. Let’s try again.

How about the fact that he took the state’s reserve from $2 billion to a much higher number? Except he did that by stripping funding from college, social services and corrections. So much for the party of law and order.

Is the picture becoming clear? Pence is a staunchly religious conservative who worked hard to protect businesses from the working class and apply his personal Christian morals to his state’s laws. Sometimes he succeeded, sometimes he failed, but he was always mediocre. More importantly, his personality and platform were well known.

Enter Trump.

See, in the 2016 campaign, Trump had a problem. A lot of the religious saw this philandering, multi-divorced businessman as unchristian. The best choice for a vice president would be a man who could alleviate their fears that their religion wouldn’t be shoved into the government. He was advised that Mike Pence was the perfect choice. So he chose him. 

In office, Pence did a lot of grandstanding and speaking to delegates, broke a lot of ties in the Senate and once Trump got around to actually acknowledging the Corona Virus, he put Pence in charge of that. Something Pence did…not terrible with, I guess. He lied about it in an attempt to keep people from panicking, and exempted himself from mask mandates because he needed to look people in the eye.

You know. The eyes that the masks cover? Apparently?

But he at least did what he could to get the vaccine rollout as quickly as possible. 

So yeah. Mediocre. At best.

And then 2021 happened. Specifically, January 6th happened. Pence’s decision to not defy the rule of law and approve the actual winner of the election didn’t go over well in Trumpland. The chant “hang Mike Pence” being shouted at him by a crowd of lunatics was apparently enough to give Pence a sick stomach about ever working with Trump again. He has repeatedly called Trump out for The Big Lie and has done a lot of passive-aggressive “endorsement of candidates that Trump endorsed against” and “turning the president’s ’too honest’ insult into merch” type stuff.

Nowadays, he works for the Heritage Foundation and as a podcaster, citing humanoid ghoul Rush Limbaugh as an inspiration. 

So Mike Pence is a mediocre politician with a particularly well known track record of being pro-business, pro-Christian, anti-LGBT, anti-abortion, and anti-worker. He also turns out to have a soul. He left the Trump collective after they threatened his life just because he didn’t want to end democracy. 

Let’s look at, oh, one of his cabinet members.

3.2 Betsy DeVos

Let’s talk about Betsy DeVos, because I have a particular beef with her. Betsy DeVos is the heiress to the Amway fortune, and her brother is the man who started everyone’s favorite group of war criminals, Blackwater. She comes from money, and a lot of her early political activism involved making sure money could stay in politics. She then focused on running and otherwise supporting school choice programs and working with private schools.

This is to say Betsy DeVos had always been interested in education, so she was not an unexpected choice for Secretary of Education. She was, however, a controversial one. Hers was the first cabinet position to ever be decided by VP tie-breaking vote, and the reason for that is that there are two ways to look at Betsy DeVos. From one angle, she is a heroine come to bring parents of all stripes the ability to more dynamically choose the education their children get. From the other angle, however, she is a vampire come to suck the blood out of public schools and leave all those who must rely on them with scraps at best, while forcing everyone else to learn her particular religion.

See, Betsy DeVos doesn’t actually like public education all that much. She prefers private schools instead, and a lot of her time in office was spent steering public funding towards private schools with things like voucher programs and then deregulating those voucher programs. She also began deregulating student loan programs, because let’s not forget, her wealthy friends gotta make their money too.

Now, I’ve been fortunate enough to be adopted into a family that was able to afford private schooling for me my entire student career. I’m grateful for that, and my parents always strove to make sure we didn’t just go to private schools, but good private schools. Mom and dad, if you’re reading this, thank you. 

And that’s just it - I was fortunate enough. My family had the knowledge and time to research good schools, and the money to send us to them. Not everyone has that fortune. Wouldn’t it be nice, say DeVos and people like her, if everyone could have that fortune? And it does sound nice! Everyone can have the chance to have a wealthy, private school education.

Except there are a few assumptions there that are worth unpacking. The first is that private schools are inherently better than public ones. Let’s look at curriculum standards to see what I mean. In some cases, not having to follow a restrictive curriculum is great! I learned some really cool stuff about European History in highschool that I wouldn’t have gotten to learn if I had instead gone to a public school. Things about the first World War and the death of the age of kings and the rise of the Soviet Union that were very relevant to the state of our modern world. Things that I don’t think I’d have learned as thoroughly in a public school. But to learn those things, there were others I didn’t learn about. Further, having a mandated curriculum that everyone has to learn means that other people can more or less assume you know a thing and don’t have to teach you about it, only remind you. It’s an effective way to make sure everyone starts at the same foot. 

Neither type of education is better, inherently. They’re both just tools with different efficacies in different situations. Or at least that’s how it is in a perfect world.

See, another downside of not having a mandated curriculum? What you teach doesn’t have to be things that are, say, alternately useful or relevant to a child who is already sure of their future in a particular field. This means that, especially if they’re heavily unregulated and unmonitored, they don’t have to teach things that are true. Sure, the kid is gonna suffer for it when they go to College and find that they’re the only person who thinks Christopher Columbus discovered The District of Columbia 70 years ago, but that’s their problem. Right? They’ll learn the truth eventually, right?

Now, I’m not saying Betsy DeVos wants to teach lies to our children. I don’t think she’s that malicious. I do think, however, that her strategy of deregulating private schools, funneling public funding to them, and expecting the public schools to find other sources of funding will, amongst other things, allow people to do just that. We live in an age where parents are taking their kids out of school because they’re being taught the Earth is round. Imagine if a bunch of flat-earthers got together to make a private school where their science class only taught flat Earth with the sort of poisonous dogma of a preacher. Imagine there were no regulations about that. Imagine that because of DeVos’ programs, some of the kids who would be going to public school are instead sent to Flat Earth Elementary. Their parents could take them out of the school if they found out, but because all the funding that was supposed to go to public schools went to the voucher programs, the local public school district is absolutely failing. Not enough staff for too many students, no money for updated books or equipment, you know, all the fun stuff that comes along with defunding education. The parents are stuck between their children being taught wrong, or being taught barely anything at all. And that’s if they found out. What if the kids just never mentioned that’s what they learned, until it was too late? What if this was because their teacher told them that their parents were also lied to and in on the conspiracy, and they should never be trusted? This damage to the child’s mind isn’t necessarily irreversible, but it can be very difficult to undo - and how Orwellian is the word “re-education”? This is the world DeVos would create.

Further, and more importantly, her focus on vouchers and how she says things about how she sees herself as “advanc[ing] God’s Kingdom” on Earth, she wants children to go to Christian schools. Which is starting to skirt the separation of church and state. See, in this country, you have a First Amendment right to believe whatever religion you want and to not have other people try and force theirs on you in the public sphere. I believe this to be a very good thing. But see, she really wants every child, be they Christian or Jew or Muslim or Hindu or Sikh or Uniformitarian or Wiccan or whatever else to receive a Christian education, in the hopes it will convert them. 

I get the feeling that if they could just teach their religions in public school, people like DeVos wouldn’t be interested in “school choice” at all. 

Let me be clear here. If an informed Hindu parent wants to send their child to a Christian school because they feel that school has a better curriculum in general, and they’re okay with their kid learning about Christ, that’s their right and I don’t necessarily have a problem with it. I do, however, have a problem with public money being spent to do that, and I have a huge problem with that parent being forced into the situation against their will. I would feel the same about it if the religions were reversed - Christians shouldn’t be forced to learn Hinduism on public money. I don’t care what religion is doing it, none of them get to impose themselves on other people’s children who don’t want it, especially on the public dollar.

Real quick, I’m aware there are a large subset of people who believe that America isn’t just a nation of majority Christian people, but a Christian Nation, founded on the Laws of the Bible for Christian folk. This is wrong. I don’t have time to give a full education on this, but it should at least be understood that the Founding Fathers were largely Deists, not Christians, and that when they wrote “Congress shall make no law resting the establishment of religion, nor prohibiting the free exercise thereof (Amendment 1),” what they meant was to build a wall of separation between Church and State. Their words, not mine. Like it or not, believe whatever morally you want about it, that’s a fact, and part of the fact means that here in America we don’t get to use public money to promote religion. Again, I think this is a good thing. The spiritual beliefs of a soul are its business, and no one else’s.

Betsy DeVos thinks otherwise, and that’s why I have such a beef with her. She wants to weaken public schools to bolster her envisioned Kingdom on Earth, bringing more souls to Jesus regardless of how much that violates their right to believe otherwise. And she is okay stripping regulations that protect kids from lies and deceptive oversimplifications in order to do it.

All of this said, she isn’t an irredeemably evil human being. When Trump committed the Jan 6th Insurrection, DeVos actually resigned in protest, which is something I can at least respect her enough to mention. Her motivation comes from a place of wanting to better the world, it’s just what she believes about how that should be done is wrong and, in my opinion, harmful.

So, Betsy DeVos is a wealthy heiress with a conservative agenda to privatize schools, who never had experience working with public schools directly, and who used her time in office to weaken the Department of Education. She does, however, have principles and a soul. What next? 

3.3 Jared Kushner

Jared Kushner is, on the face of it, a perfect example of nepotism. He is the husband of Trump’s daughter, who was given the position of the Office of American Innovation, a title that didn’t exist before or since, and Senior Advisor to the President. I’ll leave the depth of those charges for you to decide, but let’s start with what he did before the job.

Jared seems to be a quiet man. Those close to him describe him as intensely quiet, a good listener and “uncluttered in his mind, which allows him to filter some things out.” He doesn’t talk much, so we don’t have his words to go on. This makes him a bit of an enigma. But even an enigma can be unraveled. So let’s look at what the man has done.

Mostly real-estate stuff. He seemed to do pretty well at it too, making large profit margins on sales. He even dabbled in news for a bit, buying The New York Observer and turning it into a tabloid that he occasionally used to smear his rivals. While he certainly did make a profit, he lost a lot of good will with previous readers for this change.

Important to note is that Jared was a lifelong democrat, up until Daddy Donny started getting into politics. He was also very apolitical, with seemingly no interest in running for any office and was content with running his real-estate empire. But when he decided to help, he was considered Trump’s closest confidant, and so began their partnership.

Trump then started giving him jobs. The first job he gave him was running the campaign. Which, again, Kushner seemed to do very efficiently. He ran Trump all the way to the White House while only spending 59% of what Clinton did. Of course, there are complexities there worth examining, but I think it’s safe to say he was doing at least something right.

Then, Trump got into office. He was set in charge of Trump’s transition, and was also given a Top Secret Security Clearance so he could hear the daily security briefings. Then, the jobs started to pile up.

See, Mr. Kushner was put in charge of the Office for American Innovation. This office was created to “make recommendations to the President on policies and plans that improve Government operations and services, improve the quality of life for Americans now and in the future, and spur job creation”, mostly focusing on lessons learned from the private sector. What this meant was that Jared was put in charge of things from job creation to fixing the veteran’s office to solving the opioid crisis to upgrading IT infrastructure to making peace in the Middle East. He was even asked to “fix the Federal Government,” whatever that means. This would be a tough ask for the most capable statesmen, and Jared…isn’t. 

He even got put in charge of a “shadow task force” to help fight the Corona Virus, secondary to Pence’s official one. He would then go on to use this to make sure the medical supplies the state was buying were coming from Trump’s friends, rather than experienced vendors.

Yeah, ol’ Jared had a few conflicts of interest. He never fully divested himself from his interest in Kushner Companies, or his wife’s brand, so he eagerly used that to enrich himself, like when he and his wife were able to get their chinese trademark fast-tracked. Nothing too serious, but enough that I think it’s worth mentioning because it is still reprehensible. 

I could summarize more of what he did, but it mostly falls like that. For instance, he used WhatsApp for what was supposed to be work-related communication, which is, y’know, bad, but it doesn’t seem like he was spouting state secrets over it, so stupid, not evil. That seems to have been most of his role. Quietly sitting there, trying to solve the entire government’s worth of problems, and occasionally using his position to get some extra money. Then January 6th happened. 

After the January 6th riots, Jared seems…uneager to continue in politics. He spoke for 6 hours to the committee, wrote a memoir, and seems interested in at least trying for that Middle East Peace thing he was supposed to do - though in his unique, business-man way. But he’s keeping his distance from Trump’s 2020 and 2024 campaigns. 

In short, Jared Kushner was a reasonably competent businessman who occasionally makes mistakes and does evil business things, but doesn’t seem to want to burn the world. He also, notably, had no experience in politics at all until Trump dumped the entire government’s worth of problems on him. While not necessarily the moderating influence leftists hoped he would be, he was stable enough that he himself never caused much damage. He probably thought step-daddy was going to give him a nice cushy do-nothing job, and instead got overwhelmed with way too much work and just wanted to be left ALONE, thank you. 

3.4 Steve Mnuchin 

Trump sold himself on a platform of fighting for the little guy against big banks, so it’s weird that he would choose former Goldman-Sachs bank CIO Steve Mnuchin to be his Secretary of the Treasury. Not an unusual lie for a politician, but the kind of thing that should’ve made everyone smell bullshit from the get-go.

His political experience before his appointment to the Treasury was…nothing. Exclusively donating to pro-business candidates. He was more interested in running his hedge funds and what not. So Trump put him in charge of the entire nation’s economy. 

This is a bad idea. The private and public sectors are two very different things, especially when it comes to profit. More on that with our next pick, but Mnuchin was all about cutting taxes to the wealthy, then acting surprised when that didn’t magically give the government more money somehow. He was also a bit of a jerk? He used government airplanes for his personal business, yelled at teenagers and college kids, and just, in general, was a bit of a pill.

His name also appeared in the Paradise Papers, as one of the many people who protected their money in offshore accounts. I just want to point out that this was the man Trump thought capable of running the country’s treasury. A scumbag. 

When January 6th happened, Mnuchin was one of the many people considering use of the 25th Amendment to evict Trump from the White House for what he did. 

So, Mnuchin is a terrible person who didn’t care about politics, just his business, ruined the economy and padded his wallet. In the end, even he left Trump and was one of the voices hoping to get rid of him. So he has a soul.

Also, he financed the LEGO Movies, so that’s pretty cool, I guess.

3.5 Louis DeJoy

Louis DeJay ran a company called New Breed Logistics (now XPO Logistics) where he made his staff work in 100 Fahrenheit warehouses with no air conditioning and overworked. You know, the kind of awful conditions that cause miscarriages. He also didn’t pay them. So yeah, not a nice dude. 

Then 2020 happened, and, see, Trump had a seat to fill on the USPS Board of Governors. Well, actually, he had 5, but the law says that only 5 members can be from any one party, so he can’t directly appoint any more Republicans himself. Like hell he was going to appoint a democrat, the Republicans had spent the entire Obama administration ignoring Obama’s picks, he wasn’t about to hire someone that might interfere with his election interference plans! But the Postmaster General, he’s someone who Trump can’t appoint - but the governors can. And they’re loyal to him, so all he has to do is give them a name. But who to fill it with? Then he remembered Louis DeJoy, that guy who gave $700,000 to his campaign. He worked with shipping, he’d be perfect!

Of course some people had some reservations. When Trump was given two separate lists of competent people who were ready for the job, DeJoy wasn’t on any of them. This is partly because as the owner of New Breed Logistics, he was considered potentially conflicted. A fact that DeJoy immediately went on to confirm by investing in competing companies, like Amazon and subcontracting to his own business.

And of course, all of this ignores that working in the private sector is not the same as the public sector. The United States Postal Service is not meant to make a profit, it is meant to be a public service that we contribute our taxes to to make sure we all get mail. Because, as it turns out, it will never be profitable to ship heavy packages to the backend of nowhere, but a functional and good society still requires that. Grandma shouldn’t have to die because her medicine won’t be delivered to her house because “sorry, it’s just not in the budget to give you your mail everyday.” If the post office can be profitable, that’s great, it’s always good to get more public funding, but that isn’t the point and it certainly shouldn’t be treated like it is. 

This seems to be a particular poison that affects the Republican mind. That public services should be profitable businesses and not, you know, public services. The idea that a profit motive should be anywhere near a public service or human welfare is absolutely abhorrent. The whole point of public services is that they’re provided for your benefit and while they themselves might not be profitable, they allow for other things to be. Jeff Bezos wouldn’t have half the money he did if the government didn’t pay for the roads his trucks deliver his products on, but building and maintaining roads is an expense that can’t be directly measured against that profit. You can’t expect the process of building the road itself to be profitable. And yet, apparently, these people want it to be. 

Making it even weirder is how Republicans keep passing laws that make it harder to do that? The Post Office used to be able to make a good amount of money by providing basic banking services that could easily be used by poor folk, but Nixon canceled that. Then, the post office had a ridiculous amount of other demands put on it that no other public service has, such as paying for employee’s pensions years in advance (thanks Dubya) that seriously hurt their bottom line. I have no idea why they hate the postal service so much. Probably because it costs tax dollars and tax dollars are, to them, inherently evil or something.  

But that’s a bit off topic. I’m talking about DeJoy here, and what matters is he also ascribes to this stupid notion. So he immediately started making cuts to try and get the post offices profitable again. Or that’s the presumed explanation because he never explained anything, he just started canceling overtime, banning late trips to deliver mail, and destroying over 600 high speed sorting machines. 

Surprising no one, this slowed down the mail considerably. Not only this, he passed a bunch of rules that just made ballots harder to move. They couldn’t be upgraded automatically to priority if they were sent some other way like they were before, and post officers were no longer considered valid witnesses for signing a mail-in ballot. This, during the COVID pandemic, when mail-in voting was super important especially for people with compromised immunity. But democrats were more likely to mail-in their votes, because they were less likely to believe the bullshit conspiracy theories about COVID being fake and masks not working, so fuck ‘em. 

Sound presumptuous? Maybe, but then why did he mainly take those sorting machines out of battleground states with mail-in voting laws that invalidated ballots that arrived after Election Day?

These were expensive to build but easy to maintain machines that could sort 30,000 pieces an hour. There was no other group who would buy them because they were so specialized, so they couldn’t be sold for profit (not that DeJoy even tried for that). The only thing they saved on by throwing them away was maintenance costs. OH, and the man hours it would cost to replace those machines would be even more costly than the maintenance anyway! 

This whole thing was so disgraceful that DeJoy got shamed into holding off until after the election, and eventually even repealed everything he did. But by that time, the damage was done - 90% of the machines marked for trash were already removed and dismantled. The Post Office is still trying to recover from this bullcrap. 

You wanna know the cherry on top of the shit cake? Because he slowed down all mail, including priority mail, there were animals who were transported by mail who died in transit because they spent days wasting in a molten warehouse with no food, no water, and no air. Admittedly this was mostly lizards and spiders and chicks, but those are still living things that are now dead because DeJoy had to mess with the post office. They died so DeJoy could make a buck. So DeJoy could feed his own narrative. So DeJoy could help his friend keep in power.

DeJoy remains in his office today, and it seems he’s done a turnabout from being a literal walking conflict of interest. For instance, he helped pass legislation that got rid of the ridiculous retirement requirement and seems to respect his office as an actual position of power instead of just a nice way to make money. He’s doing things to account for the decreased load on mailers but increase in parcel shipments in the new age of the Internet. He’s still an idiot who thinks that the post office should be a profitable business, but he’s making somewhat intelligent decisions about how to do that. That, or he’s just a suck up who does whatever his boss tells him. Hard to say.

He hasn’t talked much about Trump since Trump left office. He did testify to the Oversight Committee, but he’s pretty blaise about him, and has even talked about how being associated with “Trump this” and “Trump that” has been really annoying and he doesn’t want that to shape his time in office. Which is admirable, I guess. It’s hard to say much about him because he’s laying low.

4.0 Self Selecting for Insanity

I think that’s a good enough sample. Now, I acted like I sort of chose them at random, but I didn’t. You probably knew that, but you may not have guessed the methodology. I was actually trying to go for the middle ground. If I really wanted to make Trump look awful, I could’ve talked about, say, Bill Bar, a snake with no morals, or actual literal Nazi Sebastian Gorka, or Steve Bannon, who I’d love to personally congratulate for being the first corporal nightmare to get an oval office position. But I wanted to prove a few points, which were best made with the more moderate folks. 

The first is competence. Few, if any, of the people Trump appointed had experience in their assigned field. Those that did often had tangential experience in the private sector. Which is only partially helpful.

The next, more important thing is nepotism. Even for those people who are good for the position, their skills are secondary. Sometimes, that’s politics. The choice to pick Pence to appeal to the religious vote despite his mediocre track record is an acceptable decision, the kind that I can get behind even if I don’t necessarily agree with it. But an inexcusable amount of the power he gave, he gave to his friends and family, choosing not competent actors but loyal ones. And not the good kind of loyal, where you care enough about someone to challenge them, the sycophantic kind of loyal, where you kiss an ass until it is no longer valuable to kiss. Or worse, the kind of dogmatically blind loyalty, the kind that could never be convinced he ever did anything wrong, even if he did shoot someone.

And that’s the next point. Everyone of these people has distanced themselves from Trump, or outright disavowed him. People are fleeing Trump, be they lifelong conservatives or family members, because he is just that toxic. Whether he disgusts people away or betrays them, he continuously alienates those he works with and relies on. And regardless of how you personally feel about that and about him, it means that a larger percentage of the people willing to work with him are going to be those dogmatic lunatics and sycophants. 

As we’ll see, this is not a good thing.

[waffletheorist]

Just finished.

So people liked my Linksona, the Hero of Simulation. And after some prompting from my little brother, I have decided to write something on him. I have never posted my own writing online before, so any advice or guidance will be appreciated. This is his first meeting with the Chain, content below the cut.

TW: Brief mentions of sleep deprivation, hallucinations, insomnia, mild violence.

Link's bad sleeping habits were beginning to have consequences. It was 2:00 a.m, on a rainy Monday afternoon in January. He was in his room, with it's green painted walls, hastily made bed, mildly cluttered desk, and abundance of Zelda posters and consoles, including the N64 passed down to him by his father. He had been doing homework up late, running on God knows how many cups of pure caffeine, (again) when he glanced outside his window and through the rain, saw a Lizalfos. He glanced back to his work, and out the window again, coming to the immediate conclusion that he's hallucinating as a result of sleep deprivation. The lizalfos was still there, alongside a mesmerizing triangular gateway, purple in colour, which immediately piqued his curiosity, he had always had an interest in the fantastical after all, how could he not when named after a videogame hero?

Suddenly, the Lizalfos turned towards him. Beady red eyes glared at him through the darkness and rain, and Link shrank back, before putting on a brave face. It is only a hallucination after all, it can't hurt him, right? He turns back to his maths work, staring longingly at his N64 before snapping himself back to reality. The logical part of his brain tells him it's probably best not to pay any mind to the bizarre hallucinations outside his window, while the impulsive part screams at him to pack his bags, grab his sword (from where?), and become the fictional Hero his parents named him after. He shot his homework one last guilty look, the pen still held in his Triforce-tattooed left hand, before deciding that it wouldn't be any harm if he just took a quick stroll outside, and the fresh air would probably be good for him anyway! Even though it's still dark, raining and around 2 in the morning.

He grabs his phone from it's resting place on his desk, and empties out his school bag. He thinks back to the Lizalfos. It's scales were shining, black as night, and it looked like the kind from Ocarina of Time. If a Lizalfos was there, then surely Hyrule was through the portal? In that case, it might be best to pack his Hyrule Historia. Not that he's wasting any thoughts on his hallucinations though, that would be ridiculous. He shoves some more items into his bag, including a lighter, solar powered phone charger, deodorant and some clothes. He takes note of the rain outside, and also decides to bring an umbrella. After some searching, he discovers it by the door. He puts on his trainers (or sneakers for the Americans reading) and his coat, which is an appealing shade of sage green with many pockets on both the inside and outside, and after taking one last look at himself in the mirror, he steps through the door, locks it behind him, opens up his umbrella, and sets off around the side of his house to face the portal and the Lizalfos, forgoing all self preservation instincts because:

A: It's just a hallucination, so it's probably not even going to be there when he turns the corner!

B: It's a portal, and a Zelda enemy in *real life*, there's no way he's missing this, even if he dies, he's taking a photo, and heading through that portal, this could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

C: He had no regard for his own life in the first place, he's a Link, and although the thought of leaving his dog does sadden him, she'll be in good hands with his brother.

He makes his way outside, pale (probably Vitamin D deficient) skin standing out as a stark contrast to the darkness around him, the rain beating down mercilessly on his umbrella as the puddles grow continually deeper on the path around him, wet grass glistening in the moonlight. His home is in the countryside, it's only neighbours being the fields owned by the farmers, which stank of slurry, the abandoned property that some land developers were looking to purchase a few years ago, and finally the other home across the road with the old, friendly St. Bernard dog who had been there for as long as Link could remember. It was an isolated place, and tended to smell, but it was home. He opened the gate to the back garden, but just as he was about to look around the corner, he felt a presence behind him.

Link let out a rather unheroic high pitched scream the moment he felt the choking grip fasten around his neck. Now he was sure. This wasn't some hallucination, this was reality, and he was in danger. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as his fight, flight or freeze response kicked in. The lizard hissed ominously in his ear. He could feel the spiked metal plates of armour rubbing uncomfortably against him. Why, oh why, did he let his curiosity get the better of him? He should've just kept doing his homework. His desperate shouts were quickly muffled by the creature's scaly arms covering his mouth. In that moment, Link knew he had to make a decision, and quickly, as the pressure around his throat increased. He was sure to black out if he didn't act now.

Link bit down. Hard. The Lizalfos yelped in pain and surprise, pulling its arm away. Link fell to the ground painfully, his neck still in pain from the force of the creature's choke. He stumbled backwards, and the creature turned to him, enraged by his audacity. It unsheathed a cruel, jagged blade from its side, teeth bared and snarling as it stalked towards Link. 'It's not real, it's only a nightmare', he repeated to himself like a mantra in his head. The monster raised it's sword, dark metal glinting in the light of the stars, as Link accepted his demise at the hands of this glorified lizard. Not quite how he wanted to go out, explosions would've been more fun, but alas. There's no way out now.

But then...

Link fell.

He was surrounded by an endless swirling abyss, a feeling of weightlessness as his stomach dropped. He felt sick. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the emptiness around him that seems to force it's way into his mind. He screamed again, but he couldn't hear anything, and the oppressive nothingness closed in around him, stifling and disorienting him.

Link woke up. At first, a feeling of relief coursed through his system. It was only a nightmare after all. But as the fogginess cleared from his mind, he saw that he was in unfamiliar surroundings. He heard voices around him.

"20 Rupees says they're dead."

"Vet, no."

"I think they're alive."

"That was a rather nasty fall, somebody get them a health potion."

"On it!"

"From a portal, maybe they're a spy of the shadow!"

"Their ears are strange."

"Most people have ears like that where I'm from."

"Really?"

"M'hm."

"I've seen ears like that in Hytopia. It'd explain their fashion sense if they're from there as well."

The voices all blended together. Link couldn't make sense of it all through his headache. Everything hurt. He jolted up with a start after remembering what happened, headbutting some unfortunate person who happened to be too close, as they fell back with an "ouch!" and forced his eyes open to come face to face with... his childhood heroes. Immediately, he's a deer in headlights. They're **real?** They're in front of him?

"Aw, looks like he's alive after all." A pink haired teen calls, wearing a familiar hat.

"Who would you be?" An older hero asks.

Link would recognise those markings anywhere. They're from the Fierce Deity. Then that must be the Hero of Time. He got *old*.

"I'm... Link. Same as all of you." Link replies.

"Another one? Isn't nine enough?" The pink haired one calls again. Must be the Hero of Legend from a Link to the Past with that hair.

The Hero of Time's expression hardens. Another hero. Another person forced to fight through so much suffering by his cruel destiny.

"A hero?" Asked the Hero of Wilds. With that blue Champion's Tunic, he's easily identifiable. Although Link doesn't recognise that scarring, that wasn't there in-game.

"Yes? Maybe?" Link replies.

"What does that mean?" The Hero of Wilds asks.

"Well, I donate to charity, and I saved a squirrel the other day when walking my dog."

"What about the kingdom? Have you saved the kingdom?" The Hero of the Wilds asks impatiently.

"The kingdom? I mean I guess? On a technicality I have?" Link replies.

All the heroes look dumbfounded.

"How can you save it on a *technicality*? You either save it or you don't, no technicalities there." The Hero of Legend asks, an underlying tone of snark to his voice.

"Well, it wasn't really real?" Link replies, just as confused.

A collective 'ohhhhhh' is shared among the heroes. A few have had adventures in worlds that weren't truly real. That must be the case with this one too, or so they thought.

"We can't call you Link, do you have any other nicknames?" The Hero of Winds asks, easily recognisable in his blue Island Lobster Shirt.

Link pauses, trying to think of a cool name. Most of his online names are things he made up at age 12, and he doesn't want to be called by his TLoZ speedrunning aliases or any of his school nicknames while here. Hero of Videogames or Games just makes him sound less serious. What's a fancier word for that?

"I'm... The Hero of Simulation."

[demented-tours]

The project is simple: Dear World Rage Emotion Box. One photo, one text dump. Raw thoughts. Minimum editing. Fuck typos. Fuck perfection. No masking/curbing/appeasing. No apologies. I don't care how this sounds. Not sure why it needs to be public. I do know why this needs to be public, but maybe it always won't. Maybe I delete these ten seconds after I post them. Maybe I print them out and make fucking wallpaper. Not creating yet another account for this, either. I've officially forgotten too many versions of myself to add another.

///

Dear World 2,

You don't have to save them.

They probably don't even want to be saved.

Fact is, one of the most devastating results of abuse, neglect, and trauma is that long after it's over, you still want to become the person you thought they wished you could be. Because if you could be that person, then it would stop. They would care. They would love you.

They would understand.

But it's bullshit. The nature of abusers--no matter how deliberate or benign or oblivious or well-meaning--is that they don't care about YOU. They don't care about themselves, either.

They care about what they WANT. And what they want is a mercurial, ever-shifting target that has to do with getting back whatever they thought was taken from them. Usually by force. Typically by people just like them. However deliberately or benignly or obliviously or well-meaning.

Abuse isn't about you.

It's about them.

Which means that the person you're trying to become? The thing you most want to be? They didn't want that, either.

They didn't want you smarter, braver, less gay, more independent, less troublesome, invisible, smaller, bruised, or broken.

You weren't a person; you were a means to an end. Even if it was just for those few moments where they thought of themselves, first, instead of you.

Abuse doesn't have to take years. It can take seconds. It's a flaw of human nature that we can inflict life-altering damage with the turn of a cruel eyebrow. A harsh look. One sentence. One word.

Wrong.

No.

Shame.

Bad.

Quiet.

Stop.

Useless.

Fat.

Skinny.

Ugly.

Dumb.

Inconsequential.

It's abuse if they don't say sorry. It's abuse if they didn't know how wrong they were. It's abuse if they turned the other way. It's abuse if they let you cry and scream. It's abuse if they didn't. It's abuse if they treated you like you didn't matter one percent of the time. It's abuse if they hit you. Abuse if they didn't. Abuse if they forgot about you. Abuse if you wished they would. Abuse if it's twenty years later, they realize more than they ever have before, you talk, you let it go, and yet the feelings linger.

It's abuse if they leave you feeling like you were never going to be enough unless you became the thing you thought they wanted.

They don't know what they want. The thing they crave is power, safety, control, oblivion, silence, recognition, and to keep running and never get caught.

You can't let yourself become a product of wishful thinking.

There are one-thousand-and-one ways to apologize. All of them help balance the wrongs done. None of them erase what happened and none of them negate the feeling like you should have done more.

You can't save them.

I can't save her.

It was never my job. It was never meant to be my life purpose. I have to stop letting it put me on hold and through hell.

He did to me what was done to him and thought that words of warning would sway me to a path he never found.

She placed in me faith that could have been her own remaking.

One was dark. One was merely misguided. Both of them hurt.

This is me.

Putting that shit down.

/D

Photo: Weeds in grass. Hope springs eternal. Life finds a way. Nothing is ever useless or meaningless because everything is actually useless and meaningless. Life is not potential and purpose. It's what springs up where you don't expect it. Felt like freedom.

Also:

[theroyallypurple]

I absolutely adore the way you draw Hassel and Larry! Would love to know if you have any hcs of them cause I love hearing others thoughts about them :D

AAAA THANK U IM GLAD U DO!!! also jeez buckle up I have a lot lmao I'll put them under a readmore These are some established ones I've written about before but not an exhaustive list!!

HEADCANONS… I have sO MANY UHHH LEmmie try to articulate some thoughts

Larry I imagine to be from Sinnoh but he moved to Unova as a tween. One parent is sinnohan and one parent is unovan, he got his staraptor when it was still a starly in Sinnoh. He’s moved around the world doing different jobs until finally he wound up in Paldea. He can speak many languages including but not limited to: Japanese (first language), English, Spanish, French, German

I imagine that he’s autistic (I might be projecting a little here lol) and he suffers form depression, but he isn’t medicated

He struggles to control his volume as part of his autism, he always speaks a bit too quiet and doesn’t raise his voice even when needed.

He has perfect 20/20 vision but has visual snow syndrome which causes a layer of static to be over his whole entire field of vision. He also has tinnitus that goes hand in hand with visual snow syndrome and he enjoys spending time in the treasure eatery not just for the food but because the sound of the patrons helps to drown out the high pitched tone inside his head. It gets louder when he's stressed

He has a tie collection, also he has a lot of novelty fun patterned socks and boxers (his choice of underwear is Not sexy)

He’s owned the same pair of shoes for many years and he knows he needs to get new ones, the soles of his current ones are worn out, but he hates shopping for new clothes and new shoes feel bad on his feet.

He has great colour vision and can discern colours very well, often telling the difference between colours that other ppl can’t see a difference in. His night vision however leaves much to be desired, when he looks at things in darkness they merge into a big staticky blob and he uses his phone torch when it gets too dark outside and there’s no street lights.

He wears a suit not only because it looks good but because it feels good. He likes the weight of the blazer on his shoulder and the familiarity of it makes him comfortable

He’s only 35 but started greying early, he can be very sarcastic when ppl worry about getting greys since he’s been going grey since his early 20’s

His first language is Japanese but he doesn’t get many chances to speak it so all his personal devices are set to Japanese. This results in people hearing him speaking to his phone in Japanese. Poppy sometimes plays games on Larry’s phone and has learnt some Japanese through exposure. This makes Larry happy and he teaches her Japanese, it’s good for her developing brain he says

He can cook well but he’s often too tired to cook so when he isn’t buying something from a restaurant it’s instant noodles for him.

He’ll also make egg fried rice with furikake sprinkled on top

His favourite colour is blue, his favourite flavour is lemon, his favourite sweet is lemon drizzle cake

He Hates being in front of the camera (which is why his gym photo is the back of his head) so he isn’t actually in many photos. When he’s out with a group he’s almost always the one behind the camera taking the photo. A few candid photos of him do exist but whenever he finds out someone has taken a photo of him he tells them to delete them, despite this there are some photos of him smiling when he thinks no one is looking

Speaking of, his expression is mostly flat and his smile isn’t what people would often consider a smile to be. His features soften and his mouth is in a smile but he doesn’t grin big or wide, he has trouble properly showing his emotions but people who know him are used to it

He’s actually very blunt and matter of fact, which some people don’t like, but he doesn’t see the problem because he’s honest

He’s tired a lot of the time and loves sleeping. He’s a cuddler and has a body length pillow that he hugs (is also helps his back to have it between his knees and align his spine) if you shared a bed he may fall asleep facing away from you but by the time you wake up he’s hugging you tight

He suffers from adult acne, he doesn’t really care how it looks but he hates when it gets itchy and painful. It’s something he’d rather not deal with and he can get breakouts when he’s particularly stressed (I actually wrote a fic abt Rika helping him with this!!)

He does use product to style his hair, he puts it in when his hair is damp and uses a hair dryer to put it into position. He’s so practiced that he can do it in just 5 or so minutes What he uses has a strong enough hold but as the day goes on his hair can become slightly disheveled which is easily fixed by running his hand through it, but it can leave a few strands out of place

I personally use fiber gum and my hair style is similar to Larry’s so I can see him using it too, of gives the hair hold while keeping it light and soft, maybe on longer days he'll use gel instead since it has a stronger hold but it doesn't leave the hair as soft or light

Larry wears cologne. During the day he wears a fresh scent, bergamot for those with a refined nose or simply “citrus” for those who don’t. It has a hint of a floral smell to it. Fresh he thinks, good for the start of the day If he ever goes out in the evening he wears a muskier smell: sandalwood, amber, patchouli Despite what scent he uses there’s the always faint hint of tobacco, he may try to cover it up but it’s a deep set smell that’s hard to get out of things His used pyjamas smell like sweat but he always smells nice when he goes out

Larry is good at singing but he wouldn’t believe you if you told him. After a few drinks he slays on the karaoke machine

Speaking of which his drinks of choice are whisky on the rocks and a sparkling sake

--------

For Hassel I have two headcanons of where he’s from. It’s fun to imagine him from Galar, I’m Scottish so I’m familiar with Galar and the tradition with the applin and him having a flapple on his team is very fun when u imagine it’s Brassius that gave him the applin.

On the other hand I think he could be German… Hassel is a German name and Germany is close to Spain and idk it feels kinda fitting

He’s classically trained in piano but he can also play the guitar, drums, ukulele, violin, trumpet, and also he can sing

He’s a very good cook, he’s no chef but he makes great homey food, his stews and soups are very comforting

He never learned how to use chopsticks and thus doesn't use them, but I like to think that one day Larry teaches him

He enjoys painting and sketching from life, he finds it fun and relaxing and enjoys the challenge of portraying something correctly He can produce photorealistic works but I also think he’d enjoy impressionism, he’d also enjoy life drawing

He has a wide collection of knitted tanks in many different colours and patterns

His favourite colour is burgundy, he likes rich foods with a lot of flavour and struggles to eat anything bland. highly textured food with no flavour makes him gag

He snores, not a loud obnoxious snore but a deep kind of snore that rumbles in his chest. It’s oddly comforting and can be likened to a cat purring (or a dragons growl…)

Hassel smells like home, warm and familiar!! I really like the idea of him having a deep woodsy smell, pleasantly pleasant musky that is his natural scent, not a dirty musk but something that’s nice and human. He’s always well groomed The cologne he wears is faint but pleasant, with a spicy yet faintly sweet scent and it complements his natural body odour Other times he smells like art supplies- paints, sealant spray, and the likes, something noticeably chemically

His alcohols of choice are real Scottish whisky, red wine, gin, and honestly he’d enjoy a beer lol. Brassius tries all kinds of weird flavoured craft beers and makes Hassel try them

He's a little soft under his clothing, his belly and chest having a little pudge, but there are muscles underneath and he's very strong

I kind of like the headcanon ppl have that Hassels natural hair colour is brown but he dyes it blonde... I don't always stick to that hc in my art (sometimes I draw his body hair dark, sometimes I draw it blonde) but it's fun!!

He's very comfortable with aging and sees beauty in it, he doesn't strive to look young forever or to "keep his beauty" he thinks all kinds of people look beautiful He's also very secure in his masculinity and isn't afraid of being emotional or showing emotion, or showing any other traits typically seen as more feminine he wants to be a good role model and show boys that it's ok to be emotional and like certain things

Hassel has a big d-

[folklauerate]

hiya big royals au fan over here and i'm wondering if you'd be so kind as to drop some fig and newton headcanons for us!

Omg I'm HONORED that you're a royals au fan, I'm TOUCHED that you've read my work 😫😫😫🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼*

Fig and Newton headcanons--I HAVE SO MANY, THANKS FOR ASKING!

They are literally best friends, like BEST FUCKING FRIENDS! Neither of Anthony and Kate's other dogs loves them as much as they love each other; Roger is too old and the cats just like to sleep with him, and Albert thinks he is a human and doesn't deign to interact with the corgis. As a result, Fig and Newton are happily allowed to be obsessed with each other

Newton knows that Kate is pregnant. Fig does not because he is not very smart! He figures it out when his mom has a very large belly and he and Newton can't both fit on her lap

Baby Edmund is obsessed with these two. Newton, who is two years older than Fig, and therefore An Adult TM, is very gentle and lets Edmund hold his tail and crawl. Fig needs to be reminded by Newton that he has to be gentle, but he likes to lick Edmund's hands and nap with him

Miles, who is a chaos baby the moment he comes out, gets along with Fig like a house on fire. I'm talking this puppy aids and abets this toddler into doing anything. They'll chase each other around the halls of Highgrove House or Clarence House, they go everywhere together, Miles will throw food off his highchair because Newton does funny little jumps and eats it, and they basically give Kate, Anthony, Mary, and their staff a headache

For their first Halloween, Kate dresses Fig and Newton up as Ewoks. She goes as General Leia, Anthony is Han Solo, and Baby Edmund (just barely a month old) is Yoda lol

Fig is allergic to poultry

Newton once ate hot gravel from when Kate and Anthony were getting the road up to Highgrove House redone. He was fine!

Newton also once tried to eat an entire chicken bone and Kate had to reach into his mouth and pull it out (as dog owners often do)

Occasionally, Albert will allow Fig to come cuddle with him. He has a soft spot for him, but don't tell anyone

Miles once almost crushed Fig by attempting to ride him like a horse (Fig had no idea he was going to d word, he was just vibing)

Fig and Newton are so popular with the British public that they get their own special Buckingham Palace mugs, plates, and other souvenirs

After Kate gets Fig, corgi sales skyrocket across the UK. People are obsessed with the Queen and her corgis (lol)

After Kate and Anthony get engaged, and take their official engagement portraits, Newton wanders into the room their in, and interrupts the session, demanding pets from them. The photographer takes candids, and those photos go viral; Kate and Anthony laughing and cooing over this ridiculous rotund corgi

Kate insists Newton be in some of their official wedding portraits--again, those photos go viral

Royals often get official paintings done of them. For his fifth birthday, Anthony commissions Ben to paint one of Fig and Newton

*on a very real note, I am touched, everyday, that Leaf betas this for me, and read over all my chapters and writing before I even asked her to beta and just had a panic spiral that my writing sucked and wanted her to look over things before I posted :,) I love you so very much, Miss Leaf! I am so grateful for you and so grateful that I can trust you with my rough drafts and messy concepts and wild ideas and that you take the time to listen to me! <3

[patchdotexe]

the KG masterpost, again,

hey guys who wants to read 50 paragraphs about my oc ok great here we go

the original version of this was very.. me cutting out a lot of What The Characters Actually Were Like to try and give an overview of out-of-character origins? which is fun but also does not actually tell you anything at all about them. SO IT'S TIME FOR THAT NOW

Katie G.:

aka: KG, Prime pronouns: she/he/they

a cheerful and intentionally wacky person, KG has the permanent vibes of being "up to something". never anything malevolent (or at least not on purpose), but their friends are never really sure when they'll kick down their doors with an idea in mind. she's adaptable to just about every situation, treats everything like a fun game, and while she's able to take things seriously she never really sees a need to most of the time. he's just here to have fun! sure, chaos follows in his wake, but as long as everyone's having a good time it's fine, right?

in a setting where worldhopping was a normal thing, it became clear that something was up with Katie. originally her tendency to pop up regardless of universe was written off as her tagging along, but the difference between each version in appearance and backstory led to the idea that they had a lot of counterparts. except then one of the alternate KGs would reference something another version of herself did, or have knowledge that didn't make sense for her to know, and things stopped adding up.

KG is a case of isekai gone sideways. somehow they broke the multiverse and are existing in several universes at once-- each iteration shares awareness and memory unless stated otherwise, although it's all filtered through the pile of noise that is "existing as 17+ people simultaneously". as a result, KG mixes up names, dates, and universes, and has trouble keeping her story straight. it's not exactly something they can explain easily, so he does his best to handwave it or dodge the topic entirely if people start catching on. as an upside, she's basically immortal due to her status as a multiversal anomaly, but on the downside nobody's really sure what the long-lasting events of breaking the multiverse are.

how this works in practice is that KG has Really Weird Vibes, is permanently leaning on the fourth wall, and either goes Full Protagonist or relegates themself to comic relief to stay out of the spotlight. as a side-effect of The Incident, the "original" KG is firmly stuck outside of canon because of breaking everything she touches, but that doesn't stop her from causing a mess (to the annoyance of T1, her best friend and partner-in-crime) :D

under the cut: more of this guy! specifically the ~16ish other This Guys. i will make tumblr regret letting me add more than 10 photos per post and also not having a character limit

Landia:

aka: Kaylandia, Lan pronouns: they/he/she

kinda the basis for their own subset of AUs because you would not believe how many minecraft aus we keep getting involved in. occasionally younger (or older?) sibling of Leonaut and/or Leontids, resident self-proclaimed memelord, here to have a good time not a long one, etc.

despite their immaturity, Landia's been around a pretty long time. ..sort of. he predates the existence of dogs, but didn't really start being a Thing again until around 1.15 and his memory of The Before Times is very fuzzy. still, in a fandom where players from near the start are considered old gods, applying that to this doofus is really funny.

has a couple spinoffs including Dashtwo (time traveler that's more likely to mess things up than actually fix them, got adopted by the resident polycule) and...

Outlaw:

aka: Landia, Lan pronouns: they/he

(minecraft skin is a bit out of date, outfit in artwork is accurate)

branches off of Landia, but is separate enough at this point to get a fully distinct entry because [looks at notes] i love him. hailing from the far future, Lan used to be an infobroker for the ConVex thanks to their multiversal knowledge. then things went south when the ConVex found out he knew too much about them. on the run and in a panic, they tried to get off-planet as fast as possible, got knocked out, and woke up in the cargo hold of a spaceship belonging to a fleet of outlaws. somehow they managed to endear themself enough to the captain to not get kicked out immediately, and now he's a pilot for one of the ships in the fleet!

somehow none of that is the most notable thing about him. what is the most notable thing about him is that after getting a neural implant to better interface with technology, he immediately got infected with sapient malware. and also that sapient malware is also the AI of the ship he woke up on, which itself is a fork of a brain scan of a wanted criminal that attained digital immortality. the Broker AI is actually rather harmless; they mostly sit in the backseat and try to keep Lan from getting themself killed.

he's somehow even more overenthusiastic and overeager than your baseline KG. he's living like full-throttle, usually traumatizing himself in the process, and his plucky attitude is a bit out of place in life-threatening gunfights and dogfights. he knows the rest of 77-2 has his back, though.

Twone:

pronouns: they/he/she (alternating/scrambled)

cringefail pokemon trainer

hailing from Goldenrod City in Johto and then also Jubilife City in Sinnoh due to Reasons, Twone has a tendency to get in over their head. he mainly trains electric and fire types (with her starter being Eclipse the Luxray), and proudly calls themself a gym leader despite not having a gym. or any badges to give out. but she has plenty of enthusiasm and that's almost the same thing

through a series of Currently Undefined Events, Twone ended up joining up with Team Rocket and assisted in the radio tower takeover before getting sorely beaten by our other Pokemon OC Robyn. embarrassed and reconsidering her life choices, they bailed out while they still could and settled down in Sinnoh... and also stole a bunch of Rocket stuff on their way out.

currently known for: disappearing into the jungle for 3 days with a friend and returning with 3 Mews and a Mewtwo, alchemizing a bicycle, agreeing to get murdered by one of his best friends on the condition that they reference The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, getting exploded by voltorbs

technically newest addition to the roster, but he's been around a while? there was just. no art of him and the comic he was planned to show up in self-destructed before he could. but now he's back! and also is now the missing link between KG and Landia because of pixelmon.

KG the Foxcat:

aka: Foxcat pronouns: she/they

Foxcat answers the long-awaited question of "what if KG was a furry?". happily sitting in the same zone of non-canonicity as Prime, Foxcat's job is to annoy the heck out of T1, reminisce about old fanfic, and make sprite comics of herself and her friends. they are very much not part of CV but that doesn't stop them from having a noncanon friendship with CVTails that mostly involves bullying him and locking him in the same room as T1 for comedy purposes.

Foxcat is currently the only non-hedgehog example of an Outsider, which is a thing from our old Sonic continuity Shattered Worlds that basically translates to "worldhopper with weird powers". i guess if Shadowy is Mephiles and Chrome is Silver, then Foxcat is Tails? which makes her hobby of collecting AU Tailses make more sense i guess. she thinks they're neat.

would eat a Chaos Emerald for fun.

Ellis:

pronouns: she/he

didn't make the cut in the original masterpost, but then i noticed some wording in one of the MSPaint doodles of her and connected some dots so she's here now!

Ellis is the closest to pre-incident Prime in backstory and vibe, with the major divergence point being "suddenly there was an alien invasion". despite the rampant devastation, he banded together with her friends and was able to uncover the truth behind the invasion, stop it at the source, and hopped worlds a few times until settling down in somewhere close to home.

and then suddenly there was a zombie invasion.

Ellis is not a lucky person.

as far as out-of-universe timeline goes, Ellis is maybe the first instance of a KG? as in i think she was my first self-insert character, and the other KL era ones (kh!Katie, Plus, Self) were variations on her. between that and the worldhopping, Ellis is probably whatever part of Prime successfully got isekai'd instead of getting dumped in the noncanon void. where is he now? i dunno! he might've exploded. either that or she's a cryptid.

nicknamed "Ellis" because of that one time the friendgroup got really into Left 4 Dead. this may be related to the zombie invasion thing.

Katie & Teixak:

aka: Heart (Katie), Tei (teixak) pronouns: she/her (both)

them. hoo boy, these two. Heart regularly hung out with the OCs from the KL era and was mostly slapstick, up until Sora's appearance and the involvement of the remnants of Organization XIII ended up being a herald of a Heartless invasion. side-by-side with her friend, Heart fought off as many as she could, but the two of them got overwhelmed along with the rest of her world and became Nobodies.

picking up where Katie left off, Teixak got recruited into the New Organization led by Rasemtix with the goal of "okay but what if we Did actually get everybody's hearts back". mostly she got left to her own devices, though, which included taking the mission objective of "study the canon KH characters to get an upper hand" and turning it into "hey Leixand what if we just locked everybody in a mansion for a few months and played truth or dare" until Rasemtix found out and yelled at her.

eventually Rasemtix's plan went off without a hitch because Dream Drop Distance hadn't come out yet, Teixak became Katie again except for the final chapter of YAToD where they both existed at the same time???, and then a decade later i found all my old fanfic about them and realized i should probably rewrite the KG masterpost

Kay Gee:

aka: Kay pronouns: they/them

older sibling of local overworked CCC field agent Leo Naught, Kay is a troublemaker through and through. somehow they've ended up with the same Retry power as Henry, although they haven't quite ascended to the rank of master thief or high-ranking Toppat or special ops agent or whatever. mostly they just goof off and cause a little bit of chaos here and there, which leads to them being on the run from the CCC most of the time.

thanks to basically being immortal from both "being a KG" and their Retry power, as well as outright being able to rewind time and take a different path at any time, Kay doesn't take stuff too seriously and needs to be reminded now and then that their actions do in fact have consequences. whoops!

they are in SO much trouble.

comes bundled with their Stickmolus counterpart, a!Kay (or Akay). they're the exact same, it's just this one has inbuilt psychic powers on top of Retry and also is a fuzzy alien.

Zephyr:

aka: Zeff pronouns: she/her

a novice Dream Traveler, Zephyr is along for the ride more than anything else. she's very naive and prone to messing things up, but puts her all into fixing any problems she causes and tries to leave each world a better place than when she showed up. it doesn't always work.

she crosses paths with Klonoa now and then, and they have a kinda-sibling-ish dynamic? she's also friends with the reincarnated King of Sorrow because Reasons. (she calls them "Koss".)

i don't remember why she has four ears. i don't think it was ever explained. when she was younger / first starting out she hid them under her bandana but then she got self confidence about it. she also either has her own Wind Ring or borrows Klonoa's, i don't remember which - i think originally she borrowed Klonoa's, but then got her own later on?

stop everything. klonoa, get the banana

kaoticGenome:

aka: Katie A., kG pronouns: she/her

(image on right is Very old)

remember when homestuck? yeah. part of a 4-player (later 6-player) fan session from 2011ish, and while she wasn't quite the voice of reason she was definitely the voice of "WHAT THE FUCK?". originally her actual initials were KG and not just her chumhandle, but after finding out about her session's ectobiology she decided to break the mold and took her ecto-dad's last name.

her ecto-dad is also a First Guardian, a late-arrival session member, and the son of Ninten from Earthbound. i didn't process the implications of that last part until 10 years later.

originally she was the Scribe of Dawn in the Land of Ruins and Twilight, but she'd probably be a Heir of Heart now when using the canon classpects because [gestures at this entire masterpost]. her weapon of choice was bladekind i think, and eventually she ended up with a kusarigama But With A Sword and somehow didn't kill herself with it.

was like the only KL-era KG that wasn’t interchangeable with the others but HAHA NOT FOR LONG! although i think her reaction to being a crucial part of KGverse would be to turn around and leave. see you space weeb, have fun playing okami

Karami:

aka: karelessGuitarist, kG (the other one) pronouns: she/her

the troll version of Katie A., sort of! ish! they're both KGs and are a rare instance of there being more than one KG in the same setting, but they're still kinda from different universes so eh. i don't think they ever met.

in the previous version of the masterpost i described her as "the sequel to Nepeta" and that's still accurate. i don't have much documentation on her but i think her deal was that she would just beat the absolute shit out of people that were mean to her matesprit online. imagine you're blogging and a catgirl crawls through your window to punch you in the face

she didn't get much use but did cameo in a MSPFA as a cute kitty alien! (she's the one on the far left :D)

Plus & Minus:

aka: Katie R., the Ride System pronouns: she/her (both), they/them (plural)

a resident of Echo Ridge and rather withdrawn, Katie R. struggled with identity and finding a place to belong. despite making friends and having the whole world open up in front of her, finding out about the extended multiverse only made her struggle harder to find somewhere to fit in, and this rising stress (along with the chaos of being one of the first KGs) caused her to buckle under the pressure.

this got the attention of the FM-ian Gemini. now with the ability to wavechange into Gemini Spark, the two Katies scuffled over choosing to be heroes or be villains. Plus wanted to use her new powers to fight evil and help her friends, while Minus was teenage angst and trauma personified and would sabotage Plus at every turn. this led to Gemini Spark being more of a hindrance than anything else, especially once the Andromeda Key came into play.

these two are terrible plural rep. but they also ended up being a stepping stone to figuring out my plurality! so they have one (1) rights.

two of them thursday

Adagio:

aka: Katie Adagio pronouns: she/her

originally a percy jackson OC, now is... i don't know??? generic urban fantasy? in the PJatO incarnation she was a daughter of Apollo and got cursed to be a cat after royally screwing up a quest (it never fully wore off). on the plus side, she now has catlike reflexes on top of her demigod powers of incredible aim!

also she a cane (not pictured) because apparently she got mauled by a hellhound and has a permanent limp as a result and i did not remember this until looking up the deviantart posts Just Now? what the heck. she also has a mechanical wolf as a companion, which you'd think would set off the hellhound-induced dog phobia that's mentioned several times in her old bio but.. eh...?

her non-fandom incarnation, on the other hand, got caught in a gateway between the human and magical worlds which gave her a) truesight b) cool glowy magical tattoos and c) being a catgirl. the "being a catgirl" is a constant.

might've graduated from being a KG but i like including her anyway because her design's fun and it's not like i ever wrote the urban fantasy story she was gonna be the protag of

Self:

aka: SI pronouns: she/her

second instance of a KG after Ellis, and out-of-character she's one of the reasons why the "multiversal anomaly" thing started in the first place because she was interchangeable with Heart, Plus, and Ellis. she just straight up doesn't bother making a distinction between herself and her "other selves", and everybody around her just kinda has to deal with it. it helps that she's from the KL era so worldhopping and AUs were just kinda a thing that happened all the time.

she kinda ended up being part of a trio with two other characters that would show up in other timelines, although Self's universe was the main one where all three of them were together i think.

her Personas are Nekomata and Byakko and i honestly don't remember anything else about her compared to the other KGs from her era because of the whole "being interchangeable" thing.

ok that's everybody. bye

[angstyaches]

WIP Ask Game

I was tagged by @tiny-loves-rubs, thank you, Tiny! I love an excuse to talk about my WIPs because I have an inconceivable number of them.

Tagging @tomato-sickfics / anyone else who feels like it!

Post the names of the files of your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you asks with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. If you want, tag as many people as you have WIPs.

You’re all about to see how much of a mess my head is. Proceed at your own risk.

Here goes! I’m just going to pop them down in alphabetical order. There are a few more on my other laptop, but this is basically every word document I’ve ever opened to start writing something for my blog OCs (impulse control? I don’t know her), most of which are either abandoned, retconned, or condemned to some future storyline that I’ll eventually reach.

I’m censoring titles that are either too spoiler-y or which contain triggering topics.

___

after we*****

a**** f*** charlie reaction

a**** f*** charlie shayne fight

a***** f*** lilith shayne elliott

a***** f*** memories

autumn hunger

autumn sleepy

back there

beach shayne and charlie

beauty

call

captivity

captured au

casual caretaking shayne

chaarlie and patrick

charlie and jon

charlie and mikey kiss

charlie and shayne kiss in the garden

charlie bug again

charlie bug next day

charlie drunk angst

charlie goes to visit jon

charlie headaches early days

charlie homoph****

charlie kink

charlie migraine

charlie panic belle

charlie runs into mikey

charlie shayne k***** arc

charlie sick

charlie sickkk

charlie soft

Charlie talks while kissing

charlie whumper

Charlie work panic attack aquarium

Charlie’s fears

Christmas 2021 henry bug

claudette a*******

claudette sad

d and h reading

danette

Dani sickfic

demon hunting

demon research and shayne hunger

demon school AU 2

demon school AU

Did you study for this

Donnacha comfort

donnacha first date with josh

donnacha 

dragged back

dream

early days elliott wants to help felix

eliott first meets shayne

elliott beach

elliott first meets shayne (?)

Elliott hand of orion

elliott steals little shayne

exam results

fee and shayne in the car

fee elli meet (AutoRecovered)

feel elli meet

felix and elliott dance drabble

felix and shayne talk about patricia

felix crying

felix grief

felix origin

felix over indulges on blood

felix sleepy

felix transformation

felix transformation2

first date

frost bite 2

go to him part 4

grave

henry agoraphobia

henry donnacha fluff

henry donnacha hunger

henry donnacha whump

henry drunk

henry panic attack

henry trauma

Hi

homoph****

i don’t even know

idk

ingrid mentions the boxes

ingrid picks up shayne

jealous felix

kazu hunger

kazu origin

k***** arc part one

kissing

little mnster

look at me

lucy and henry rewrite 2

lucy and henry rewrite

Lucy asks Henry to live with her

madame a’s stuff

Mikey and CHarlie

mikey

mitch and shayne

mitch bastian first date

mitch bastian meet

mitch ed

mitch hunger

mitch sick

more shayne angst

more shayne x charlie random

morning after lovely

mothers day

name change and keys

nancy and ryan

nancy ryan meet

nancy

Oranges

pancakes

Payton angst hunger

payton dragon

photo

pillow

PLOT the devines take *******

post-grad hangover

pplate food

praise

radioactive butterflies

random  payton x autumn early days

random sad shayne

recaptured au

rescue

rin and charlie talk at school

rin college exhaustion

rin secret santa

Rin visits shayne and three

rin visits shayne

sacrifice au

shayen and ingrid

shayen remembers dahlia didn’t eat

shayen teases charlie (*i can’t believe how often I mistype his name, good lord)

shayne ace

shayne aldridge au

shayne aldridge

shayne and charlie angst

Shayne and charlie both sick

shayne and charlie christmas 2021 notes

shayne and charlie demon world

shayne and charlie talk in the training room

shayne and felix plot

Shayne and Lilith

Shayne and Ryan bad news

shayne and three

shayne and trish

shayne angst storyline

shayne anniversary birthday

shayne anniversary grave

shayne anniversary tree

shayne arrives at townhouse

shayne beach

shayne car

shayne charlie early days

shayne charlie first date

shayne charlie funeral

shayne charlie lucy meet up

shayne cherry coke

shayne college

shayne ed2

shayne ed

shayne elli fee car

shayne elliott and fee

shayne elliott

shayne exhaustion college au

shayne falling asleep at charlie’s

shayne falling asleep on charlie’s bed

shayne felix walk

Shayne first week with aldridges

shayne gazes at charlie

Shayne grief redrafting

shayne grief

shayne hunger

shayne hungerr

shayne ingrid

shayne maybe

shayne misses charlie

shayne mulberry

shayne nausea in bed

shayne nervous

shayne nightmare alone

shayne not feeling good

shayne one of the worst follow up

shayne overeats

shayne panic at aldridges

shayne plans on k****** m***

shayne prepares to see charlie again

shayne random opening up and pr*******

shayne randoms

shayne recovering

shayne runs into Lucy

shayne sick alone

shayne sick in sleep

shayne sick school

shayne sit ups

shayne stays the night

shayne stomach ache

shayne stress

shayne talks about loving charlie

Shayne talks to Three about his anxiet1

Shayne talks to Three about his anxiet2

Shayne talks to Three about his anxiety

shayne teasing charlie

shayne trish f****** mads

shayne waits for felix and elliott

shayne with charlie’s parents

shayne’s breakdown a year before repeating

shayne’s first week

silas meets shayne

sleep

sleepy charlie

SMOL

some random bits

start maybe

stay

supermarket

therapy

three (AutoRecovered)

three

townhouse sleepover

trying

vincent

wallis and nancy

wallis boat

wedding

wtf

Edit: wait, sorry, there’s more, in other folder. This one, I named “New September 2022″

charlie migraine anon inspired

shayne fear when charlie g*** c*******

lilith complains about nadya

lilith comforts blake

meet shayne and charlie rewrite

shayne in the mask

beach drabbles:

beach seashell

beach shayne and charlie2

shayne charlie drinking game

shayne charlie drinking game2

summer Elliott

requested WIPs:

charlie drunk angst part two rowan request

shayne recovering from chest infection

Madame A’s

astrophel comes out to nancy

astrophel overworked

blake and lilith f**** k***

blake and rex and lilith

blake confesses to lilith

Blake couldn

blake curse

blake fire

blake leaves for summer magic school

blake panic attack

Blake

Lilith brushed their hair to one side

Lilith

performance evaluation

Rex and Oli announce their engagement

rex angst

rex hungover

[tfbsattic]

Huey, Dewey, Louie, and a Magyar PM’s Demise

While touring Budapest during the Balkan Explorer Tour via Expat Explore in 2023, the free day coincided with Philippine Independence Day – also MY 34th BIRTHDAY. Being a Disney fan myself, the city’s sights brought up DuckTales.

And I do mean the original 1987-1990 run.

Photo taken 6/12/2023.

So what does a Disney animated series have to do with Budapest – or rather, the whole country of Hungary? Ask any resident who was between 3-12 years old and living in said country on December 12, 1993, and they’d likely tell you that something somber interrupted an episode of it.

Picture if you will being a kid watching Disney Sunday, the equivalent of America’s The Disney Afternoon in a post-Cold War Hungary (or a few other European countries) on that day. The theme song plays as normal.

“It will never leave,” said Doug Walker, the Nostalgia Critic. “it will never leave. It's like an addiction. You think you're over it. You think, “I only know a few lyrics of the song…’”

“Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes It’s a Duck blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history." “DuckTales, woohoo! Every day that I've been making DuckTales, woohoo! Tales so daring, do-bad and good Luck tales.” “D-d-d-danger lurks behind you There’s a stranger out behind you Gonna find you What to do?” “JUST GRAB ONTO SOME DUCKTALES!” “WOOHOO!“

“I mean once you hear it once, it will never, ever go away. And you wanna know what the creepy thing is? I think this show stayed on the air strictly because of the theme song! I mean think about it, what do you actually remember about this show?”

Many a Magyar ‘90s kid’s disturbingly thorough answer came to a head during Uncle Scrooge’s breakfast conniption in the Catch as Cash Can story arc episode, “A Whale of a Bad Time.” He was dismayed and enraged when he lost half of his fortune via the boat containing it being eaten by a sea monster. As Huey, Dewey, and Louie restrained him, every TV screen in every Magyar household open to DuckTales desaturated, changed to static briefly, and went black for 15 minutes.

The Magyar Televízió logo appeared in a gloomy grayscale, accompanied by a track of the 3rd movement of Fredric Chopin’s Piano Sonata No. 2 in B♭ minor, Op. 35. It signified to Magyars of all ages – even and especially the perplexed ‘90s kids trying to make sense of whatever abruptly interrupted their DuckTales fix – that someone very important had died.

That someone very important was József Antall, the first democratically elected prime minister.

Shortly after his inauguration in May 1990, Antall was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He underwent surgery that October, with him having an interview on the response to the taxi blockade in ihis sleepwear. His cancer recurred in May 1991.

Antall died in his sleep due to complications on December 12, 1993. Magyar adults and well-informed teens who knew and loved him were bereft of a strong leader in Hungary’s post-communist history, whereas befuddled kids wondered why the TV cared more of about a prime minister’s death over a Disney animated series.

Those children who grew up back then were dubbed the “DuckTales Generation.”

“I wanted to switch channels to see if there was another cartoon,” recalled one Magyar adult, “but my parents wanted to watch M1 because – unlike me – they knew who PM Antall was and why the news of his death was important.”

“As a result of the shock, I rushed to the bathroom,” recalled another, “but I could barely tell what had happened all the way through. My mom cried to my dad, ‘Antall is dead!’ And then they looked at me, over my head. The children watching DuckTales at the time experienced a minor trauma as they were torn out of the safe world of Disney magic – and the unknown, incomprehensible blackness came.”

“Chopin's funeral march and the deep blackness cast a pall over the country for just a couple of minutes.”

“I called my parents, ‘Dad, I think (Antall) had died,’” recalled the owner of conservative blog Meanwhile in Budapest.

The death announcement of Antall wasn’t the only kids’ show interruption in history. On June 2, 2020, Viacom-owned TV channels (including Nickelodeon) around the world interrupted TV shows with an 8:46 PSA.

The white text, “I Can’t Breathe,” faded in and out to the cadence of a sound effect of a human breathing. The duration matched the one in which Derek Chauvin held his knee down on George Floyd’s neck till he suffocated. Either a Color of Change text number or the Amnesty International website (depending on country) appeared alongside it.

The PSA scared some kids, which lead some of their parents to rant about it on the Viacom channels’ social media accounts, some with some political rebukes.

But whichever their political views, most Magyar children who grew up when a death of a beloved dignitary interrupted a Disney TV show in the ‘90s knew that their moment was a blindingly brighter lightbulb memory. Even a traveling exhibit by Magyar artists on the childhood children in Hungary spent between the late ‘80s and noughties was APTLY named after that episode of which doleful breaking news interrupted it.

As Walt Disney said, “Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows. Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality.”

Simply put, life HAS BEEN like a hurricane, anywhere in the world, whether kids and parents like it or not.

Especially in early ‘90s Hungary.

Photo taken 6/12/2023.

[vagueandominousvibes]

Teddy bear, meow? :D

What a cute lil ask list!!

Hi Mina, it really is cute!! :D

Teddy bear — Do you own any plushies? Please tell me about them!

Oh my gods I own too many. My childhood bedroom has a shelf entirely dedicated to plushies, and there were even more on my bed. When I moved in with my partner I brought five (three sleep on my side, two on my partner's), which I'm going to tell you about:

The Dalmatian. This one never got a name. I picked it out at a shop at the airport in Copenhagen when I was two, and refused to leave the shop until mum and dad bought it for me. The neck is so worn that the fur has worn off in a patch, and I doubt I'd be able to get it repaired, but I love it and bring it with me every time I travel anywhere for more than one night. If I sleep alone in a dark room, I usually place the Dalmatian between myself and the edge of the bed to feel safe.

The Uni Bear. It looks like a small version of Winnie the Pooh, with a red t-shirt that has the name of my undergrad uni on it. This was a graduation gift I haven't been able to make myself part with.

Leo. Leo was my first dog. He was a white chihuahua mum found at a shelter. He was my very best friend (sorry @foolsbangle :p), until he died of a heart attack a few days before my final IB exams. The two years it took me to do IB, I lived in Birmingham, and couldn't bring Leo with me, so mum sowed a white hairy plushie that looks more like a pillow than anything else, but it was supposed to be a reminder of Leo. Now, this is the only Leo I've got, and I keep him tucked under my pillows at night.

The Denim Whale. I came across the sewing pattern for a denim whale about the same time as I wore holes in a pair of beloved denim trousers, so I decided to turn the trousers into a whale. I'm still pretty happy with the result, and my partner sometimes uses it as a pillow.

The Seal. Remember my old pfp? That was a close-up photo of a seal plushie An gave me a couple of years ago, based on my D&D ranger's animal companion, the fearsome sea lion Isolde (she's a baby and we love her). My partner loves seals, so he's more or less claimed her for his side of the bed, but she's still mine.

Meow — Share a random fact about yourself, please

Let's see ... I, uuuh ... used to be a martial arts trainer? I did Tae-Kwon Do (Korean martial arts, if I remember correctly) until I moved to Birmingham. I was one or two examinations off a red belt, so I got the basic training to be a trainer and came along to the kids' classes to help out. I never particularly enjoyed sparring (I hated having to hit others), but I really loved the arranged patterns (it felt like dancing), and it was a thing I got share with An, which I really appreciated. One of the reasons I didn't find a new Tae-Kwon Do club in Birmingham was probably that they weren't there, and it just felt wrong to keep going without them.